It’s easier to detect your clients’ subtle nonverbal changes in position and movement with your peripheral vision than with central vision. This is why soft defocusing and becoming more aware of peripheral vision is taught in all the Asian martial arts. If you’re seated opposite your client, as most therapists are taught, most of the client’s body will not be in your peripheral field of vision. If you sit next to your client at a 45-degree angle, so that you’re facing in more or less the same direction—as Fritz Perls and Virginia Satir did—most of your client’s body will be in your peripheral vision, automatically increasing your sensitivity.
There are many other advantages to sitting next to clients, often involving your nonverbal signals and their impact on clients. Facing more or less in the same direction has nonverbal implications of alliance and support, working together toward a joint outcome—in contrast to sitting opposite, which has implications of opposition or confrontation.
When clients remember the past, or think about the future, they often look at images that are directly in front of them. If you’re sitting in front of them, you may be in the same location as these images, which can be confusing.
Assuming that you’re facing in much the same direction, would you put the client’s chair on your left side or your right? In most right-handed people, the right brain is more sensitive to nonverbal emotional expression. Since the right brain receives visual information from the left visual field, you’ll automatically be much more sensitive to the signals of your clients’ emotional states when they’re sitting to your left. The right brain detects threat faster, so if you’re working with potentially angry or dangerous clients, that’s another reason to seat them on your left.
The right brain expresses emotion more fully than the left brain, primarily through the movements of the left hand. Gesturing toward the client with your left hand implies an emotional connection, another reason to seat most clients on your left side. (If you or your client is left-handed, these generalizations may need to be adjusted. You can ask your clients whether they are right- or left-handed, or have them sign something and notice which hand they use.)
Sitting next to clients makes it easy to touch them spontaneously and naturally with your left hand, without leaning forward awkwardly or leaving your chair. Although many therapists are still taught that any touch is inappropriate or even unethical, it’s an effective nonverbal way to elicit responses. Satir, one of the greatest therapists who ever lived, said: “If I couldn’t have the energy that comes out with touch, I’m certain that I could not have the kind of really good results that I have.” If you’re sitting opposite clients, or behind a desk, it’s much more difficult to express this kind of simple human connection.
Experiments have found that when a sales or service person touches customers lightly and momentarily on the upper arm (one second or less), it substantially increases the purchases customers make in a store, the tips they give to waiters and waitresses, the evaluations of their shopping or dining experience, and the likelihood that they’ll return. A simple touch or two can work wonders for your relationship with your clients. If a client responds aversively to a touch, it could mean that your touch was awkward or incongruent, or that the client has significant issues with touch, or many other possibilities—all important to know about and address. Like most people, many therapists shackle themselves by worrying about how a client might respond, rather than trying something and finding out how it works. You can always apologize, and any response can be utilized.
Touch has many other uses. If you want to interrupt clients because what they’re doing isn’t useful, a touch can gently get their attention and distract them, as you offer them a new direction. If clients start to become angry, a light touch on the arm can instantly communicate alliance, safety, acceptance, and that you aren’t the target of their anger. If you want clients to pause and savor a newly emerging feeling or change in understanding or attitude, a touch on the forearm can amplify your request, “I’d like you to pause, and stay with what’s going on right now, so that you can experience it even more fully.”
When clients talk, they often gesture in space with one or both hands. If you’re sitting next to them, it’s easy to gesture in the same way and in much the same locations in space, giving clients an unconscious sense that you’ve really entered their world and fully understand their experience. If you don’t think this is important, try gesturing in ways different from what clients do and watch them become confused, tense, or withdrawn.
Sitting next to clients provides opportunities for the therapist to modify clients’ gestures to support changes in their experience. For instance, often clients gesture with one hand, while the other hand is motionless or gestures in a different way. Perls often asked clients to repeat the words, but to switch any gestures to the opposite side of the body, to engage the other brain hemisphere and facilitate integration between the verbal and nonverbal states. When this instruction is given while gesturing in clients’ personal space, it becomes even more compelling. Sitting opposite clients makes it difficult to make use of gestures in this way.
Without a video, it’s only possible in a short article like this to offer some general principles and ideas to try; however, I have an article describing the exquisite nonverbal gestures seen in a three-minute video clip of an interview with Diana Fosha. You can find both the article and the video clip at http://realpeoplepress.com/blog/nonverbal-expressiveness-the-key-to-relationship-and-change.
These are just a few aspects of the nonverbal interactions that you have with your clients—something usually far more important than the words you exchange or the content being discussed. There are many, many ways to become aware of how you interact with a client, and what turns the interactions into a dance or a wrestling match. Continuing to discover and explore these choices can make your work ever more sensitive, subtle, and effortless, as well as more interesting and enjoyable.
Steve Andreas, M.A., has been learning, teaching, and developing brief therapy methods for more than 45 years. His books include Virginia Satir: The Patterns of Her Magic; Transforming Your Self; and Transforming Negative Self-Talk.
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