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Silent and Confused

Opening Conversations with Men in the Wake of #MeToo

May/June 2018
Most men publicly support #MeToo, but privately—very privately, often too privately even to share with their intimate partners—some are disoriented and wrestling with questions about the changing norms that shape their relationships with women. Meanwhile, therapists are examining how to bring issues raised by this movement more directly into their clinical approaches.

Consensual Nonmonogamy

When Is It Right for Your Clients?

January/February 2018
In past decades, the only alternatives to involuntary celibacy in a relationship were affairs or divorce. But more and more therapists are recognizing there’s another option: consensual nonmonogamy. Although the idea isn’t new, it’s challenging our field to see that committed, secure relationships can take many shapes and forms.

Clinician's Digest

Has Porn Become a Public Health Crisis?

July/August 2016
Has pornography become a public health crisis?
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The Great Escape

Welcome to the World of Gender Fluidity

March/April 2016
As cultural attitudes about gender variance have undergone a profound shift, much of what therapists believed about what it means to be transgender is now hopelessly outdated. But how do people know that they’re the wrong gender? And what does that kind of knowing mean for our assumptions about males and females as “opposite sexes”?
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The Unspeakable Language of Sex

Why Are We Still so Tongue-Tied?

January/February 2016
If you’re like most couples therapists, you know how to help partners communicate more clearly, handle conflict with less uproar, and connect more emphatically. But 50 years after the so-called sexual revolution, many therapists are still unsure about how and when to talk about sexual issues. In our obsession with pop sexuality, we’ve vastly overestimated the power of sexual acts while vastly underestimating the feelings associated with them.

The Mystery of Eroticism

January/February 2016
It’s long been the conventional wisdom among couples therapists that if couples fix the emotional issues in their relationship, their sexual lives will improve. However, good intimacy doesn’t guarantee good sex. Couples today are confronting a new frontier in the basic understanding of what marriage is all about. Since most of us grew up in sexual silence, therapists need to ask more probing questions when it comes to doing good couples therapy.
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The Dance of Sex

January/February 2016
If you’re going to help a couple get closer and really learn to work harmoniously with one another, whether in bed or anywhere else, the key is helping partners experience bonding moments that open them to becoming emotionally accessible to each other. If you can do that, their bodies will follow, and sex will almost always improve.

The Case for Porn

January/February 2016
Porn is polarizing. Porn is confusing. Porn can be alarming. For therapists, porn can push us out of our comfort zone and trigger negative countertransference. But one thing is for sure: porn is everywhere, and it’s here to stay. But this doesn’t mean that we’re being overwhelmed by an epidemic of “porn addiction,” as some people suggest. Porn can play a big role in achieving “rec-relational” lovemaking, and it doesn’t have to take away from a secure attachment.

The Sex-Starved Marriage

January/February 2016
A sex-starved marriage isn’t about the number of times per week or per month people are actually having sex. It’s one in which one spouse is longing for more touch, more physical closeness, more sex, and—here’s the rub—the other spouse is thinking, “What’s the big deal? It’s just sex.” But it’s a huge deal because it’s really about feeling wanted, loved, and connected. It places the marriage at risk of infidelity and divorce.
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Transforming Sexual Narratives

From Dysfunction to Discovery

January/February 2016
Therapists too often ignore the importance of the longstanding, often unconscious stories that partners carry with them into their sexual relationship. Helping them share these stories with each other can open the pathway to erotic discovery.
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