Many people are what is medically known as ADHD. Yet despite its ubiquity, framing neurological differences as “deficits” or “disorders,” rather than as natural variations in how people think and process, isn’t just pathologizing—its inaccurate and harmful. KCS/VAST offers an alternative framework for what the DSM calls “ADHD” (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). These alternatives—kinetic cognitive style (KCS), coined by Dr. Nick Walker, and variable attention stimulus trait (VAST), coined by Drs. Edward Hallowell and John Ratey—shift the focus from deficits to a whole person perspective that includes ample strengths.
If you know anyone who is KCS/VAST, you know that when it comes to areas of passion or interest, there is no shortage of attention—there’s a plethora of it, also known as hyperfocus. The perceived lack of attention shows up when there is a lack of interest. Both autism and KCS/VAST are interest-based systems, meaning that focus and attention are directly tied to engagement of interest. Kinetic, in KCS, and variable, in VAST, both refer to these differences in how attention is distributed.
Research shows anywhere from 30–80 percent of Autistic people are also KCS/VAST. Both neurotypes share a great deal of overlap: a sensory component, a social component, executive function challenges, and they are both monotropic in nature—meaning they tend to have singular, focused attention that requires transition time to shift between tasks or topics.
Em Hammond, better known as Neurowild, is a white Autistic and KCS/VAST Australian speech pathologist and gifted artist who takes complex topics and makes them easily digestible and interesting. In trainings, I use her art as a visual aid. She uses squirrels and beavers to represent Autistic and non-Autistic people, respectively. The squirrels have a surplus of nut shells, and the beavers are seeking nut shells to help build their dam. They link up to support one another, but when they try to communicate, a communication breakdown happens. It’s as if they are each speaking different languages, but somehow, the squirrel takes all the blame for the miscommunication. It’s beautiful, concise, and sad all at the same time.
This miscommunication—where the squirrel takes all the blame despite both parties struggling to understand each other—illustrates what Dr. Damian Milton (he/him), a white Autistic British sociologist and social psychologist, named the double empathy problem: the idea that communication breakdowns between Autistic and non-Autistic people are bidirectional, with both groups struggling to understand each other’s communication styles, but nevertheless only the Autistic person is blamed.
Ableism, or systemic oppression of people based on ability/disability, posits that Autistic people are inherently lesser than non-Autistic people. In that vein, any cross-neurotype communication difficulties are blamed on the Autistic person. After all, autism has long been dubbed a social communication disorder.
What Milton’s research discovered is that Autistic people do well understanding other Autistic people, and that allistics (non-Autistic people) do well understanding other allistic people. However, when Autistic and allistic people try to have a conversation, they each struggle to understand the other. The communication challenges actually go both ways.
Other humans are a primary source of trauma for Autistic people. I think the double empathy problem is one part of a complex journey toward shifting this reality. As we reduce the historical hierarchy of neurotypes in the dominant culture and come to greater acceptance of neurodiversity, hopefully more non-Autistic or allistic people will make efforts to learn more about autistic communication and culture. As a white, queer, trans, multiply neurodivergent (Autistic and KCS/VAST) social justice counselor who works exclusively with neurodivergent clients, I center anti-oppression work and reject the pathology paradigm that frames autism as a disorder. Autism is a valid neurotype, not something broken that needs fixing. For those of you reading who are allistic, deep gratitude to you for being here.
The double empathy problem is one reason why neurodivergent (ND) people need to connect with and be in community with other ND people of shared neurotype, no matter what their age. Children, teens, and adults all benefit from connecting with others of the same neurotype. It feeds their life force, normalizes who they are, and fosters a much-needed sense of belonging. The same is true for people across all forms of difference, be it race, culture, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. In a similar way that my whole system can more easily settle when I’m around other Autistic folx, the same is true when I’m around other trans folx. It becomes easier to breathe. May we all have more access to breathing easier.
KCS/VAST people tend to understand NT communication styles more readily or innately than Autistic folx. With so many thoughts happening at once and a plethora of constant input, or the distress of boredom in response to a lack of enough interesting input, their focus and concentration may show up differently. Direct communication and clear expectations are ideal for this neurotype, too. At the same time, the tendency for rejection sensitivity dysphoria is very prevalent among people with this neurotype. What that means is that rejection, whether overt, implied, or perceived, or fear of rejection, can have an intensely negative impact. On the other hand, positive feedback or praise can have an equal yet opposite effect. In sessions, that could play out with clients working hard to be liked, hiding when they get distracted or bored, or apologizing for what they call their “tangents” or “rambling.” Offering genuine and generous reassurance, validation, and acceptance of clients is extremely important.
The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages
Marcela Gonzalez, well known as Autisticamente Marcela, a Mexican American Autistic mother, advocate, writer, and artist, and Amythest Schaber (they/them), well known as Neurowonderful, a Métis Autistic, multiply disabled writer, public speaker, artist, and activist, have written a wonderful piece titled “The Five Neurodivergent Love Languages: Autistic Love.” It is an Autistic take on Gary Chapman’s work called The Five Love Languages. Chapman describes them as: gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. Gonzalez and Schaber’s five Autistic love languages are: info-dumping, parallel play, support swapping, please crush my soul back into my body, and “I found this cool rock/button/leaf, etc. and thought you would like it.” Let’s explore each of these now.
Info-dumping. Some Autistic people prefer the term monologuing to describe their love of sharing information about their passions. This is a tremendous way to build rapport with clients by engaging them in info-dumping. Especially for new clients who are likely dealing with heightened social anxiety in the presence of us, a stranger, inviting them to share about their passions is a great way to support coregulation. It honors their communication style, supports their confidence, and dismantles the inherent power dynamics within the counseling relationship by centering them as the expert. Info-dumping is also a great regulatory tool that can be used at any time in a session to support parasympathetic nervous system states.
It is a gift when clients are willing to share with us something that is so important to them. It is important that we receive their sharing with respect and appreciation. I have learned so much from my clients on such a broad array of topics!
Parallel play. Another way of saying coexisting together in the same space, but each person is doing their own thing. Doing “good” therapy does not require that we are actively engaged in process or conversation with clients throughout the entire session. Coexisting in the space together can be deeply therapeutic too. Having another nervous system present can allow for coregulation, and this coregulation can be passive and still very effective. This can look like taking intentional quiet pauses; engaging in independent activities in the same space such as art, movement, or games; and it can also be a form of body doubling. Given that our role includes being an executive function coach by helping clients with things like adulting, planning, and organizing, parallel play can be a great way to help clients get things done that they are having a hard time initiating or completing on their own.
Support swapping. Thanks to executive function challenges, there’s a lot that clients may need help with. There may be things they are good at and another person struggles with, so they can give each other the support they need. A great example of this is the struggle with remembering things and being on time. We can support clients by offering reminders about our upcoming session, whether that be the night before, an hour before, or whatever you and they decide is most helpful. I’ve had therapists tell me stories of significantly reduced missed sessions from clients when they implemented reminders an hour before the start time. Unfortunately, western psychology tends to deem this sort of thing as enabling or codependent. Having consent from clients to help them get the support they need to show up and be successful in their life is the antithesis of ableism. (Please note that I use the word successful very loosely, and I believe that each of us gets to define what that word means for us, not the institutions of capitalism, white supremacy, and colonization).
Please crush my soul back into my body. Proprioceptive input at its finest! For some people, deep pressure can be calming, soothing, and like an antidote to sympathetic arousal. It can help people to feel more in touch with their body, feel less a sense of being lost in space, and feel safer and more grounded. Weighted blankets and stuffies are great for this, as are books and any other objects that are heavy that might be around. I’ve even had clients pick up and carry around their potted house plants when no other obvious heavy objects were available. Weight, pressure, and compression can be great ways to evoke parasympathetic states. Rolling up in blankets or hiding in teeny tiny spaces can also be great options. This can be a useful sensory tool in and out of session for people of all ages.
“I found this cool rock/button/leaf, etc. and thought you would like it.” Autistic gift giving may be deemed unconventional, but it is no less meaningful or special. To come across something that reminds us of another and to share it is a beautiful expression of love. My Pops (i.e., second father), who has come into his Autistic identity since knowing me, knows I love rocks. One of his passions is to dig holes in his yard. I’m talking like 5 feet deep and 6 feet wide holes when he can! For him it’s a form of meditation. What a cool stim! Sometimes when he digs, he finds really cool rocks, and he will gift them to me. Even as I write this, I can feel the warmth and love in my heart that I feel in those moments. I’ve also brought shells to share with clients when I’ve traveled to meet them in person. It is a beautiful way to share my love of the ocean and nature with them, and a way for them to have a tangible object that represents our connection.
As therapists, we can use these love languages to grow our relationships with clients, deeply affirming and celebrating ND people as we support them on their journey.
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Adapted from Neurodivergent Somatics in Therapy: An Anti-Oppressive Model for Whole Person Care, Copyright © 2026 by Nyck Walsh. Used with permission from W. W. Norton & Company, Inc.
Nyck Walsh
Nyck Walsh, MA, LPC, (he/they) brings a whole person, anti-oppressive, intersectional, somatic lens to working with Autistic and KCS/VAST (what is commonly known as ADHD) folx. An Autistic and VAST counselor, Nyck is the director of Nyck Walsh Counseling & Training Center and creator of the Neurodivergent Somatics model. He curates reparative experiences for late identified Autistic and VAST folx to connect with their innate wisdom, dismantle ableism, be supported in their challenges, and unpack their lives through their unidentified and misunderstood Neurodivergent (ND) experience.
