How to Create an Anti-Bullying Support Group

Put an End to School Bullying in Just Six Weeks

Sue Young

The first anti-bullying project took place more than 30 years ago in Scandinavia. Since then, projects have cropped up around the world, mostly taking a similar overall approach: raising awareness of bullying and getting students to engage in activities that highlight its negative effects.

By 2004, enough anti-bullying projects had been introduced in enough places to review their overall impact, including some meta-analyses of their results. Unfortunately, the evidence about their success was disappointing. In fact, some schools actually suffered an increase in bullying during these campaigns—which parallels what we know often happens with other projects of this nature, such as anti-smoking and anti-drug initiatives in schools, anti-crime programs with at-risk adolescents, and anti-pregnancy initiatives for teens.

When I was given the job of coordinating an anti-bullying project in the 1990s in the North of England, I knew very little about the issue. I was simply urged to “get into the schools and do something.” In my haste, I naively thought that anti-bullying meant the opposite of bullying, so I came up with as many activities as I could that promoted friendship and support.

It was about six months into the project that I attended a government-sponsored anti-bullying conference and quickly realized that my project was different from everyone else’s, which zeroed in on raising awareness of bullying, but not friendship. They involved similar activities—pictures, poems, stories, and so forth—but were all about bullying. This was a surprise to me. Experienced teachers know that giving attention, even negative attention, to any particular behavior tends to reinforce it, so I’d begun with the premise that drawing attention to bullying and behavior associated with bullying might be a self-defeating strategy.

My new goal became avoiding giving unnecessary attention to any bullying that might be happening. If a child is unhappy in school, this in itself is a serious concern that requires urgent action, regardless of any rights and wrongs. So I implemented a simple approach: a support group to make the child who’s struggling in school happy once more. The steps are easy. First, I interview the child to find out who the most appropriate students are to be in the support group. Next, I meet with the support group to let them know I want their help and encourage them to come up with their own ideas. Then I schedule a follow-up meeting for a week later with the child and then the group, to check on how things are going and arrange for continued support if needed.

An Unhappy Child

I met 11-year-old Gary and his mother, Linda, after she’d called the local education authority to ask what could be done about her son being bullied and now refusing to go to school. When I called her back, she sounded distressed. I’d normally meet with children like Gary in school, but in this case I arranged to talk to both Gary and his mother at their home the following afternoon.

They lived close to the school in a run-down housing project in a deprived area of the city. Immediately, I noticed that Gary looked much younger than his age. Sitting in their living room on a tattered sofa, I listened as Linda explained that when Gary had started school, he’d had speech difficulties, and though he’d made progress, he was still struggling with reading. He was wetting the bed at night and had unexplained rashes on his hands. As she spoke, he clung tightly to her, even burying his head in her arms as she told me that in trying to reason with the mother of one of the bullies, she’d mentioned the bed-wetting, resulting in the other boys at school finding out and taunting him about it on the playground.

I asked Gary just a few questions. Who was he finding difficult in school at the moment? Who else was around when things were difficult? Who were his friends?

I didn’t ask him any details about what was happening at all, or how he felt, or whether he was lonely or frightened. In my work, I make clear that I can accept and respond to a child who needs support without any explanation. After Gary gave me a few names, I outlined the idea of setting up a group of children to support him in school. Although Linda seemed intrigued, Gary remained adamant that he didn’t want to return to school. I reassured him that it would help, and told him I’d visit his school that very day, set up the support group, and then let them both know if it had gone well. He agreed to stay tuned.

When I arrived at the school, I talked to the head teacher and the teacher for special needs, who made sure to add that Gary was “no angel” himself, and that they’d done their best to deal with incidents as they came up. Understandably, parents and teachers often sound defensive when I first meet them, and they’re keen to tell me what they’ve already done to help mitigate the problem. Though it rarely makes any substantial difference in what I do, I always listen out of appreciation for their frustration.

At this point, I suggested a support group for Gary would be an appropriate intervention since no one would be accused of anything, possibly unfairly, and the children involved would enjoy participating. A support group typically consists of students whom the child finds difficult, two or three other children who were around when things were difficult, and any friends or potential friends—about five to eight children altogether. The children in this case included all the ones Gary had named. I met with them in an empty classroom as the special needs teacher observed. A couple of the children looked somewhat sheepish to be there, but I simply introduced myself as someone who helps children who are unhappy in school. The group was aware that Gary wasn’t happy, but we didn’t pursue any reasons why this might be. After all, this wasn’t a meeting to investigate incidents or possible causes, or to identify who was to blame for the situation.

Quickly, I got to the point. “I need your help to make Gary feel happier,” I told them. “I’ve chosen you because I know all of you can help me. You know Gary better than I do, so I’m sure you can think of ideas that might help. Does anyone have a suggestion, maybe just a small thing, something you can do for the next week, that will make him happier in school?”

In most groups, someone will think of a suggestion right off the bat. Occasionally, I may need to wait, smile patiently, and reassure them that I only want a small idea. In this group, someone offered to sit with Gary in the dining hall, and another said he’d watch for Gary at playtime to make sure he wasn’t alone. As they each made a suggestion, I wrote it down with their name while complementing their initiative. This showed the whole group that making a suggestion would get approval, and as expected, the other children quickly followed suit. Once all the members of the group had a part to play, I summarized and complimented the plan by saying, “I’m so pleased you’re all going to help me with this: Peter by sitting with him at lunchtime; Ben by watching out for him, and Ethan by playing with him at playtime; Carl by telling him some jokes; Susie by bringing him some sweets; and Freddie by helping him in class.”

The next morning, realizing just how difficult it might be for Gary’s mother to get him to school, I called to check in. Although she’d managed to get him inside the building, she was clearly distraught at the thought that he might be suffering and warned me that if he were bullied that morning, she wouldn’t insist that he go back in the afternoon. So I was relieved when he was present in school the next day and smiling broadly when he came to see me. Almost tearfully he said, “I never knew I had so many friends.”

A week later, when I returned for the normal follow-up, he said things were even better because, as he put it, “They weren’t so fussy any more. It was just normal.” I asked him what exactly was better, and he said that Ben had asked if he wanted to join them on the playground. Every time he told me about something that was better, I drew attention to it and praised him for it, even if it was likely someone else had initiated it. It was important to notice that he’d had to make changes too and give him the positive feedback he needed to keep taking those chances.

I saw the group, without Gary present, immediately after and invited them to tell me if they’d managed to help and if so, how. As they said something they’d managed to do, like including him in games, I praised the sensitive and careful way they’d shown support. When I asked if they thought he was happier and how they knew, they said he was smiling, talking more, and laughing. I then congratulated the whole group on their wonderful plan and asked if they’d keep going for another week, which they were all willing to do. After all, they hadn’t been asked to do anything too difficult, or anything they didn’t volunteer to do, and I made sure they felt fully appreciated.

What’s Going on Here?

In the first two years of my project, I used a support-group approach in 50 primary-school cases of bullying, and the results were reviewed and published in Educational Psychology in Practice. In short, bullying had ceased in 47 of these cases. Importantly, the bullying hadn’t grown worse in any of them, as can sometimes happen when punishment is used. But the most astonishing finding was the speed of the effect. Setting up a support group stopped any bullying immediately in 80 percent of cases and in less than six weeks in 94 percent of cases.

Factors that make individuals likelier to help others include when they’ve been specifically asked and have agreed to help, the need for help is unambiguous, they know for sure their action is appropriate, they’ve been given responsibility and a specific task to do, and they know they’ll receive feedback. These factors are enhanced in a group context in which they know their suggestion has been accepted, they identify with a successful group, and commitments have been made during group discussion. In this sense, unhelpful behavior becomes unacceptable to the group because it endangers the success of the group as a whole.

Students’ knowledge of their lives in school makes even young children skilled at knowing the small but significant actions they can take to help make another child happy. In fact, one of the best suggestions I ever heard was from a little girl who said, “I’ll watch out for him coming in through the gate in the morning and smile and say hello!”


Sue Young, BA, PGCE, MEd, spent her teaching career working in inner-city schools in the North of England. Since taking early retirement, she’s given presentations and training about solution-focused work in schools in many different countries in Europe, the US, South America, and Japan. She’s the author of Solution-Focused Schools: Anti-Bullying and Beyond. 

This blog is excerpted from "Bullying Reconsidered" by Sue Young. The full version is available in the November/December 2016 issue, The Next Big Thing?: Psychotherapy and the Virtual Revolution.

Illustration © Sally Wern Comport

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Topic: Children/Adolescents

Tags: bullying | bullying in schools | school bullying | avoiding school | being bullied | bullied | bullies | Children | Children & Adolescents | group support | kids | parent help | parenthood | Parenting | parenting techniques | raising kids | school | schools

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Friday, February 28, 2020 10:50:34 AM | posted by Chandra Malamud, LCSW
Hi there, This post is a bit older but bullying in schools is always timely. I work at a Middle School and like the comment posted by Jennifer, the difficult kids are not interested in helping out the person who has been bullied. I was thinking of doing a group of kids known to be unhappy in school due to bullying in hopes as they get to know one another and hear each other's stories, they could make a connection as many of the kids being bullied here feel isolated. Has anyone tried this or found another way to approach who to include in the group for the intervention to be effective? I think with younger kids, this is an awesome idea and should be practiced in elementary schools as a standard practice! It might work with some older kids, but a lot of times - the difficult people or the ones perpetrating the bullying have no interest in helping the person who is the object of their bullying. Ideas welcomed!

Thursday, December 12, 2019 5:17:10 AM | posted by Kelley -Marie Smiyh
Hello, my daughter Rachel is 17 years old. She has bullied in school and has always found.d difficulty in found I.g mice appropriate friends. I would like to start a support group. Also, the principal of the school is a bully. I don't k ow where to begin but I can't continue to daughter suffer.

Tuesday, July 30, 2019 1:23:56 PM | posted by Jennifer
I read this article a couple years ago and attempted to develop a group modeled after this for a 5th grade girl and it wasn't as easy as I had hoped it would be. I'm wondering if the author or anyone could offer some additional feedback. The girl was largely unliked by her classmates, in part b/c of some anti-social behavior (nose picking) and making racial comments to her peers. The article noted that the group included several students that the child described as difficult to get along with (I assume the bullies), as well as students that observed these behaviors (bystanders) and those the child described as friends. When I collected a similar group for my student, the students whom she found difficult to get along with had more power and didn't demonstrate any interest in helping her to be happy and the observers didn't have enough power to make a difference. She didn't have anyone who could say they were a friend and those that were more inclined to be kind, even to those children who are not liked by their peers, simply don't have the power to persuade the bullies. When I gathered the kids, they preferred talking about the things this child does that are annoying and had difficulty coming up with activities to make her happy. Basically the bullies took over. I'm wondering if it might be better to just include bystanders and "friends" who are willing to help rather than involving children who will work to negatively influence the group to continue the negative treatment. Thoughts anyone?

Wednesday, May 29, 2019 8:40:58 AM | posted by linz
I am asking for ideas on how to help my 15 year old daughter that is being bullied at school everything was fine until one girl started telling everyone not to be friends with her and basically told anyone that was they were so called "out" no one was allowed to be her friend and they laugh and giggle when she is around and try to make her miserable for no reason that I can understand other than wanting to make themselves feel better she is smart and is very driven and has done a great job so far with trying to just ignore it but I can see its wearing her down and she is depressed and is now hating school and quitting activities that once made her happy because she doesn't want to be bullied. She is becoming more frustrated and I don't know how to help her?

Monday, June 11, 2018 12:32:15 PM | posted by Cora Johnson
Hello, I am a concern parent and soon to be business owner, that would like to start a anti-bullying group to assist kids that suffers with depression, and other mental issues due to bullying. Peer pressure is all over the world and to strengthen our children, we need to free them from fear. What do you suggest.

Sunday, June 3, 2018 4:25:51 PM | posted by Rachel Grinnell
Both of my kids, my 14 year old son and my 10 year old daughter, who are both very different and are interacting in very different groups of people, but have 2 things in common besides being siblings and both being my children, they are both nice caring kids and they are both very naturally social kids who feel constant need to spend time with kids their own ages, both are constantly making friends with bullies who show very obvious and disturbing signs of true psychopaths, or as it is referred to in children and teens, conduct disorder. The lack in empathy and concern for hurting other children ( specifically my children) is astonishing and disturbing and I don’t understand how there are so many young children and teenagers who are this way and why my kids are constantly associating with them. I am in desperate need to find a way to help both of my children to make healthier friendships with genuinely nice and caring kids

Monday, October 30, 2017 2:56:16 PM | posted by Kal Parsley
I am a freshmen at Redmond High in Redmond Oregon, I have been bullied since the third grade. I am trying to build a safe place at my school for anyone being bullied. I would love some ideas. The group/club is called¨The Anti-Bullying support¨ ABS for short.

Thursday, July 6, 2017 9:08:24 AM | posted by Https://rbnenergy.Com/user/117601
It's a shame you don't have a donate button! I'd without a doubt donate to this excellent blog! I suppose for now i'll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will talk about this website with my Facebook group. Talk soon!

Monday, February 6, 2017 11:42:14 AM | posted by Rosita Arancibia-Kline,MSW
I am MSW clinical Social Worker, I work with families. Congratulation on your excellent project ! I will share it with the Family Support Groups I conduct. Best wishes. Rosita Arancibia-Kline MSW

Sunday, December 18, 2016 12:01:50 PM | posted by Ngaire
Here in New Zealand we call this the 'no blame' approach and it constantly amazes me at how new positive connections are established between the bully/bullies and their victim using this method. Thank you for further evidence to support this approach.

Saturday, December 17, 2016 5:41:23 PM | posted by
I am a clinical psychologist and just placed an entry on my blog about your piece in this edition of the Psychotherapy Networker, hoping it will reach as many parents and others as possible. This plight of the children who are bullied is only getting more severe with the intrusive, anonymous ease of cyber-bullying. I congratulate you on your success in doing something that seems to be effective! Irit Felsen, Ph.D

Saturday, December 17, 2016 6:43:18 AM | posted by
Great action oriented and positive approach to helping children be their best selves, Sue. Thanks!