Revealing Our Many Selves in the Bedroom
No other area of a couple's life holds as much promise for achieving intimacy as sex. Indeed, the promise of intimacy may be as important as lust for drawing human beings toward sex in the first place. My goal now is to help partners reach the kind of soul-deep connectedness in their sexual encounters that can transform their lives and their relationship with each other.
Reconciling Sensuality and Domesticity
Many therapists fail to recognize that sexual desire doesn't always play by the rules of good citizenship. By counseling political correctness in the bedroom, they miss the point of eroticism captured in Bunel's famous pronouncement that "sex without sin is like an egg without salt."
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Desire Seldom Comes to Those Who Wait
If you've ever thought that a couple's sexual relationship is a barometer of other aspects of their marriage, join the club. And if, because of this belief, your work with distant and warring couples has you shoring up their emotional bond in the hopes that the rest of their marriage—their sex life—will eventually fall into place, you're in good company as well. But there's another, frequently more practical and expedient, way to break through marital gridlock and boost passion.
Carol Gilligan on Recapturing the Lost Voice of Pleasure
In her new book, The Birth of Pleasure, Carol Gilligan has tried to probe the root of what makes intimate partnership between men and women so difficult. What is there about this book that makes critics both love and hate it?
Tantra and the Dilemma of Western Sexuality
Modern sex therapy helped thousands with simple, effective behavioral techniques, usually focused narrowly on achieving erection, intercourse or orgasm. Yet few of us have much of a clue about continuing to create the more profound joys of sexuality--especially after the first six months to two years of a relationship, when hormones subside and desire fades.
A Look Back
Twenty years after the sexual revolution, in the most sexually explicit culture in the world, a surprisingly large number of people continue to have difficulties with the sexual basics.
The Answers Are Being Discovered in the Laboratory
If the idea that desire is orchestrated by our body chemistry hasn't yet found its way into the clinical conversation, it may be because the evidence is still largely buried in scientific journals, primarily from the emerging fields of behavioral endocrinology and psychophysiology.
Helping Couples Decode the Language of Their Sexuality
The Thrill of Connection Opens Us to the Terror of Loss and Pain
For most married people, the magnetic force that drew them together in the first place has so weakened that marriage has become almost synonymous with sexual ennui. Indeed, the withering away of eroticism in marriage, particularly as spouses age, is apparently so widespread in our society that it's commonly rationalized as normal, if not actually desirable. But whether defined by the sex therapy establishment as "functional" or "dysfunctional," people complaining of a loss of the vital sense of connection they once knew often are deathly afraid of the very intimacy and eroticism they're craving.
Modern Day Myths of Infidelity
What is infidelity? This question of just what is an infidelity, and what isn't, is a surprisingly touchy one, as I discover each time I talk to either professional or nonprofessional audiences. I try to define infidelity, and describe it as best I can, and somebody will invariably come up to me anxiously and sheepishly and tell me about some experience, and ask for reassurance that this act was not an infidelity.
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