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The Science of Togetherness

Making Couples Therapy More Effective

September/October 2017
Despite all the intellectual excitement it generated, the hard truth is that, so far, the systems revolution hasn’t led to very effective ways of doing therapy. Fortunately, a second revolution is quietly taking shape—a new wave of systems theory and therapy—that marries the wisdom of clinical intuition with the rigors of scientific inquiry.

Reflections on the Divorce Revolution

Assessing Our Impact

July/August 2015
When it comes to helping couples considering divorce, therapists have a hundred ways to ask “What’s right for you?” but often find themselves tongue-tied when it comes to asking “What’s right for the others in your life?” Is it possible to talk about interpersonal responsibility without shaming clients and driving them away?
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Case Study

Stop the Merry-Go-Round: Strategies for Angry Couples

November/December 2010
While partners caught in the anger merry-go-round invariably blame the other, both typically pass the anger back and forth like a shared virus.

The New Monogamy

How Far Should We Go?

July/August 2010
Whether we like it or not, today's couples feel far less encumbered by the legal, social, and moral strictures of traditional marriage and its obligations. Increasing numbers are negotiating what they mean by "fidelity" and how they wish to define monogamy in their relationship.

Foreign Affairs

Infidelity Has Different Meanings In Different Cultures

July/August 2010
My Parisian colleague was shocked to learn that American therapists typically encourage couples not only to confess their affairs, but also to share the details.

You Say Tomato...

Or How I Learned to See Every Couple as the Odd Couple

May/June 2009
Too often couples make contrasts in temperament into negative stories about how their partner won't change. Could it just be that every couple is The Odd Couple?

The Soul of Relationship

Where Self and Other Meet

January/February 2008
Making "contact" with our partner means first recognizing a subtle inner substrate where we encounter everything from boredom to anxiety to sexual interest to outright rage...and more.

Case Studies

Suddenly Strangers: Iraq War Vets, PTSD, and the Challenge of Relationship

January/February 2008
With tens of thousands of Iraq War vets with PTSD returning home, therapists increasingly face the challenge of helping them with their troubled marriages.

Are You There for Me?

Understanding the Foundations of Couples Conflict

September/October 2006
All couples fight, but the fights that really define the relationship are always the same thing: whether partners feel they have a safe, secure connection with each other.

Are You There for Me?

Understanding the Foundations of Couples Conflict

September/October 2006
All couples fight, but the fights that really define the relationship are always about the same thing: whether partners feel they have a safe, secure connection with each other.
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