Like the Property Brothers, couples therapists are often sought out by clients to reconstruct and renovate their partnership. But it’s pretty rare for a couple to walk into a therapist’s office in search of a demolitionist to help them tear down the whole structure so they can walk away from it—even when they plan to remain in one another’s lives.
In popular parlance, this subset of couples is sometimes referred to as uncouplers. Katherine Woodward Thomas coined the term in her book Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After, but it was famous uncouplers like Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin who brought the phrase into the mainstream. Therapist Bill Doherty, in response to what he saw as a counseling trend that began in the ’70s, when reactive, thoughtless divorces were far too casually encouraged by therapists, evolved a time-limited, targeted therapy known as discernment counseling. Its goal is to help potential uncouplers think responsibly about the impact of separation on their own and others’ long-term well-being.
As one of those ’70s children-of-divorced-parents myself, I became a couples therapist in large part because I believe the bond two adult human beings create when they marry is worth fighting for with every fiber and cell of their being. If a loving couple shares a…
