Dan Siegel, author of Brainstorm: The Power and the Purpose of the Teenage Brain, knows that nobody—especially an angst-filled teenager—likes being told what to do. As creative and adventurous as they may be, you’re likely to get eye rolls and crossed arms when you tell them, for instance, that the best way to control their anger toward their parents is through breathing exercises. That’s why Dan takes a more roundabout approach. “Would you like to know more about your brain?” he asks first. Only when the answer is yes—or rather, “Sure, why not? I’ve got nothing better to do.”—can you break out the brain science.

Anxiety is a demanding beast, with a long list of conditions that must be met to keep it at bay. It forces anxious children and their families to banish uncertainty, avoid surprises, cling to safety and security—the list of demands could go on forever. Unfortunately, when anxiety is running the show in a child’s life, the family tends to become more and more inflexible.

While the polemical debates over the new DSM have received widespread coverage, the reactions of ordinary clinicians have yet to receive much scrutiny.

Between the 24-hour news cycle, search engines, and face-to-face video chats, we live in an Age of Information, in which getting your questions answered is little more than a mouse click away. So is it any surprise that today’s young adults expect the same directness and immediate responsiveness from their therapists? According to Ron Taffel, adolescent therapist and author of Breaking Through to Teens, today’s youth look for concrete answers to their questions and problems in therapy. And they want them fast. Often you need to toss emotionless method-driven therapy to the wind, says Ron, and give young clients what they want: your honest opinion.

When we trust ourselves to follow the signals of life that the patient emits in seemingly casual conversation, we increase our chances of stepping outside the confines of our theoretical models to enjoy an unexpected encounter.

 

Schools and physicians don’t seem to understand the ways in which trauma leads to symptoms that resemble ADHD. Thus, we all need to ask the right questions and dig a little deeper in creative ways to find out what may be troubling the child, so that our treatment is effective and not just a surface remedy for a misdiagnosis.

Seven-year-old Emily is continually nervous and her anxiety is keeping her from enjoying summer camp, sleepovers with friends, and after-school activities. Her parents don’t know what to do, and even her therapist is worried that Emily’s anxiety is starting to define too much her integral sense of self. Treating anxiety in kids takes a creative, often playful approach, says Lynn Lyons, author of Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents.

Conventional therapeutic wisdom aside, people typically don’t hurt each other because they’re out of touch, unable to communicate, or can’t help themselves. All too frequently, they do hurtful things with impunity and entitlement simply to gratify their own needs.

How do you create an atmosphere that your teen clients will value rather than resist? According to Ron Taffel, teens are looking for authenticity. When they find the real thing, they’ll engage.