Pat Love on Choice Fatigue in a World of Online Dating

Psychotherapy Networker

How too many options reduce satisfaction, commitment, and happiness: what therapists need to know



“The greater the options, the greater the dissatisfaction with what we choose,” says Pat Love, couples therapist and author of Hot Monogamy.

This is nowhere more apparent than in the brave new world of online dating. With hundreds of dating websites, thousands of potential partners to choose from, and the ability to specify attributes of a perfect mate in exacting detail, people are, paradoxically, less confident about their selections and increasingly dissatisfied with their current relationships.

That’s how choice fatigue works. And its outcomes are challenging therapists like you to learn new ways to help clients find and keep the love, intimacy, and commitment they really want.


Pat Love, a relationship consultant and marriage and family therapist, is the coauthor of Hot Monogamy and How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. This clip is taken from her session in our marriage video course:

The Changing Face of Marriage
Explore the forces shaping intimate partnerships today and the best-practice approaches for helping your clients—some of whom may hold ideas about partnership, commitment, gender roles, personal autonomy, and sexuality that are different from yours. Find out how you can:

  • Develop a clear, nonjudgmental understanding of contemporary approaches to relationships and sexual behavior that may challenge your own values and beliefs

  • Help couples balance their need for commitment and safety with their desire for more spontaneity, playfulness, and eroticism

  • Address the centrality of economic issues and financial stress on couples, including helping them "right size" their lives

  • Explore the wide range of meanings that emotional intimacy and sexual compatibility have in gay, lesbian, and straight relationships

  • Understand the different patterns found among Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial couples, including how traditional gender roles and conceptions of masculinity and femininity are being redefined


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Topic: Children/Adolescents | Couples

Tags: conversation | couples therapist | emotional intimacy | Esther Perel | family | intimacy | monogamy | relationships | sexuality | Terry Real | therapist | therapists | therapy | William Doherty | Couple's Therapy | NP0062: Changing Face of Marriage | online dating | Pat Love

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1 Comment

Sunday, November 9, 2014 6:55:09 AM | posted by What's Love Got To Do With It? - Or Why Technology is Not Going to Help You Find The One Today. | An
[...] a follow up to her last webcast which I explored in my article on The Neurobiology of Sex, relationship [...]