VIDEO: Making the Case for the Emotional Man

Pat Love Explains Why We Need to Rethink the "Empathy Gap"

Pat Love

There's a tendency to think that most men just aren't as emotionally expressive as women. After all, the stereotype of the female caretaker and the stoic, male breadwinner still holds true for many people.

But the truth is that many men are actually just as emotionally in-touch as women---they just express emotion differently because of how their brains are wired.

Couples therapist Pat Love is an expert when it comes to helping men open up in therapy. In the video clip below, you'll hear Pat explain how emotions run deeper than just "mirror neurons." Men heavily rely on what scientists call the brain's Temporal Parietal Junction (TPJ) System. When a partner is in distress, the TPJ kicks in and a fix-it mentality becomes activated.

Pat Love, a relationship consultant and marriage and family therapist, is the coauthor of Hot Monogamy and How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It.

Want to help the men in your office learn to listen, connect, and empathize better with their partners?

According to Pat, this begins with expanding our narrow definition of empathy. Let us know what you think by sharing your thoughts in the comments section below.

Did you enjoy this video? Check out Pat's article on the link between romance and biochemistry in her Networker article, "What is This Thing Called Love?: The Answers are Being Discovered in the Laboratory"



Topic: Couples | Men

Tags: coaching | depression | empathy | family | family therapist | fear of intimacy | intimacy | marriage and family | marriage and family therapist | men in therapy | monogamy | neurobiology | science | therapy | Pat Love | Men

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6 Comments

Wednesday, September 26, 2018 12:10:57 PM | posted by Damir Muharemovic
How can I get this full one hour video??

Sunday, May 8, 2016 5:23:53 AM | posted by elizabeth
Thank you Jim McKinley-Oakes for your comment. I had exactly the same thought and I second the recommendation of Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine - wonderful read and thoroughly-evidenced cautionary on buying into "scientific" justifications for the toxic constructs of masculinity and femininity.

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Sunday, October 25, 2015 1:18:57 AM | posted by Peter Heath
Thanks Jim for sourcing and providing this Fine book. I will be reading it with interest, as the Louann Brizandine books did little for me.

Monday, March 9, 2015 7:24:19 PM | posted by marciet
help, I keep trying to buy the CEU version of "Are Men Just Not Wired?" and I keep being told that I am not logged-in--and I am. Please let me know how to resolve this concern at your earliest convenience. Thank you---Marcie Telander, MA, LPC

Monday, March 9, 2015 4:36:43 PM | posted by Jim McKinley-Oakes
For hundreds of years, patriarchal culture has tried to convince everyone of the psychological differences between women and men. Pat Love gives us the latest version which like all of the others is pseudo- science which insults men and oppresses women to maintain the status quo. For a scholarly analysis of gender and empathy, please read the highly regarded Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine which is superbly researched and written in a delightful manner which happens to prove that Feminists do have a sense of humor.