How To Talk About Sex With Men

Esther Perel Shows How Easy It Can Be

Rich Simon

A man’s sexuality is integral to everything he does, according to Esther Perel.

It’s reflected in how he lives, how he approaches his work and recreation, and how he meets—or dodges—challenges. In the consulting room, Esther simply mirrors that integration, introducing the subject of a man’s sexuality, his sexual practice, his approach to sex, and its place in his life in an effortless, organic way.

To watch this two and a half minute clip of Esther demonstrating how she does this is to learn from a master. And you can incorporate her insight and practical approach into your own work right away.

Click on the video below to watch, then let us know what you think.

Esther Perel, M.A., L.M.F.T., is a master trainer, therapist workshop leader and speaker, and an acknowledged international authority on couples, culture, and sexuality. The author of the international bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, she’s an AASECT-approved sex therapist practicing in New York where she’s on the faculty at Columbia University and the Ackerman Institute. This clip is taken from her session in our men in therapy video course:

A New Blueprint for Engaging Men in Therapy
There are new approaches for engaging men in therapy—informed by neuroscience and proven effective—that can help you dramatically improve positive outcomes in your work with men and couples. Explore the latest findings on gender differences and master science-based strategies for working with men. Learn how to:

  • Avoid common missteps that trigger men to shut down in therapy

  • Gain and retain therapeutic leverage with resistant male clients

  • Approach the issue of male shame and defuse it effectively

  • Address taboo issues including sex, emotions, and fear of intimacy

  • Expand the therapeutic use of your voice, face, and body to strengthen connection with male clients

  • Engage men’s emotions—including fear and rage—as part of healing

  • Enhance men's capacity for empathy, connectedness, and intimacy

  • Recognize distinctive features of male depression and integrate education and coaching into your treatment

  • Recognize and address transference issues that male clients experience with female therapists

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You can view more free videos here. Or check out our free articles on sex and couples.

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Topic: Couples | Children/Adolescents

Tags: aasect | coaching | depression | empathy | Esther Perel | fear of intimacy | intimacy | male sexuality | men in therapy | neuroscience | science | sex | sex therapist | sexuality | therapist | therapists | therapy | Transference

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1 Comment

Thursday, October 31, 2013 8:58:28 PM | posted by rogerl
Sex is, as Ester says, "woven in" to masculinity in such an obvious way that it is truly "strange to leave it out."
One way of trying to understand that has to do with the idea that it is "taboo" to expose sexuality. From my perspective (30 + years of practice) the conversations about gender and power that preceded conversations about sexuality in family therapy circles, have both encouraged and discouraged meaningful clinical conversations about the internal world that we all inhabit in which sexuality continues to be a dominant force.
Thanks to Ester for making this very obvious point, and for writing and speaking about it so eloquently over the past several years.