VIDEO: Susan Johnson on Restoring the Spark

Finding Your "Secure Base"

Susan Johnson

It's not uncommon to find partners who've not only lost a sexual spark in their relationship, but an emotional connection too. According to couples therapist Susan Johnson, developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy and the author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, without the presence of emotional connection and safety—what Johnson calls "secure base," attempts to reignite passion are doomed to fail.

In this clip from her Networker Symposium keynote address, "Attachment and the Dance of Sex," she shares the story of her clients Frank and Sylvie, and how, they used secure base to restore both emotional and physical passion to their relationship.


Susan Johnson, EdD, the developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples and Families, is the director of ICEEFT–The International Center for Excellence in EFT. She’s also the author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.

"Hundreds of attachment studies show that safe emotional connection is the opposite of deadening, in or out of bed," says Johnson. "A secure base allows us to play, to learn, to explore each other’s bodies and minds. Thrilling sex is about being secure enough to surrender to the moment—to let go and see what happens.

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Did you enjoy this video? You might also want to check out Susan's Networker article "The Dance of Sex," in which she explains how helping partners experience bonding moments can open them to becoming emotionally accessible to each other, and as a result, often lead to improved sexual connection.

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Topic: Attachment Theory | Sex & Sexuality

Tags: attachment | attachment disorder | attachment disorder treatment | Attachment Theory | attachment-based therapy | bonding | bonds | John Bowlby | love | love and relationships | romance | sex | Sex & Sexuality | sex life | sex therapist | Sue Johnson | Susan Johnson

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2 Comments

Saturday, February 18, 2017 7:41:04 PM | posted by Barbara Stern
I love Sue's work and I know that it works on many different levels!

Saturday, February 4, 2017 7:08:10 PM | posted by Catherine Cherry
I always enjoy listening to Sue, and I get more grounded in EFT Therapy every time.