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Esther Perel on the Lives of Men

Creating a Space in Therapy to Discuss the Paradox of Masculinity

Psychotherapy Networker

By Psychotherapy Networker - Discussions about masculinity and femininity have become part of everyday therapeutic discourse. Here, couples therapist Esther Perel offers her perspective on how therapy has evolved in its exploration of the role of gender identity and where we need to go from here.

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VIDEO: Esther Perel on How to Talk with Men About Intimacy

Framing Intimacy as a Regular Part of Life

Esther Perel, Esther Perel

It's not always easy to get men to talk about intimacy and sex. But according to renowned sex therapist and author Esther Perel, there's a way to weave questions and observations about sexuality throughout your dialogue with reticent male clients that expands their understanding of its significance in all aspects of life.

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The Resurgence of Patriarchy

Why We Need to Leave Neutrality Behind

Terry Real, Terry Real

By Terry Real - Factions of men and women these days are feeling a powerful pull toward many of the notions of traditional masculinity. What we’re witnessing is a reassertion of its most difficult and harmful traits. And yet we psychotherapists, as a field, have remained largely silent about this resurgence. Is neutrality in these times really in our clients’ best interests?

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VIDEO: Valeria Chuba on Male Sexuality in the Age of #MeToo

Is Male Sexuality Inherently Violent?

Lauren Dockett, Lauren Dockett

In the wake of the #MeToo movement, men are reevaluating the way they approach courtship, relationships, gender roles, and love. Their therapists must switch gears as well. In the following video, Networker senior writer Lauren Dockett speaks with Valeria Chuba, clinical sexologist and certified intimacy coach, on how male sexuality is strongly connected to masculinity in our culture, and why male sexuality isn't inherently violent.

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Why Most Men Don't Open Up in Couples Therapy

A Boot Camp Approach That Makes Men the Partners They Want to Be

Steven Stosny, Steven Stosny

By Steven Stosny - Men don't dislike therapy because they might have to talk like women or adopt feminine sensibilities: what they hate is that therapy forces them to experience that most heinous emotional state to a man—feeling like a failure. I've developed what I call "boot camp" couples therapy—a tough, concentrated format that men seem to prefer to drawn-out weekly therapy with no conclusion in sight.

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Should You Take Sides in Couples Therapy?

Why Psychotherapy's Views on Male Intimacy Need to Change

Terry Real, Terry Real

By Terry Real - The pressure to be hard, logical, independent, and stoic all too often sets men up to be emotionally distant, arrogant, and numb to their own feelings. These aren't pathological aberrations; they're the defining characteristics of manhood in our culture. That's why I break one of marital therapy's cardinal rules. I side with the woman.

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Turning Off the Inner Anger Switch

Using Brain Science to Invest Men in Anger Management

Ron Potter-Efron, Ron Potter-Efron

By Ron Potter-Efron - Over the past 30 years, I've spent nearly 25,000 hours counseling angry men. For many, anger is the only weapon they've ever had against feelings of powerlessness. But what I've found is that these men are fascinated by information about how anger develops in the brain, and how they're capable of literally using their own brains to calm down.

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VIDEO: Making the Case for the Emotional Man

Pat Love Explains Why We Need to Rethink the "Empathy Gap"

Pat Love, Pat Love

Have you ever wondered if some men in your practice are simply unable to listen, connect, and empathize with their partners? According to Pat Love, it’s more likely that our definition of empathy is just too narrow.

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A Guide for Female Clinicians Treating Men in Therapy

Bridging the Gender Gap in the Consulting Room

Holly Sweet, Holly Sweet

When I started my clinical training, I wondered about the impact of men's discomfort with emotional expression (and women's ignorance of this discomfort) on how male clients experienced therapy with female therapists. From many years of attention to men's language, attitudes, and needs, I've developed a specific approach to working with male clients. For female clinicians, one of the side benefits of working with men is that it can help us understand the other men in our own lives. Both genders win when we learn more about men.

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Creating a Safe Space for Men in Therapy

Using a Men's Group Therapy Model to Cultivate Emotional Intimacy

Robert Garfield, Robert Garfield

I have been running therapeutic men’s groups---we call them “friendship labs”---for the past 18 years. We’ve found that groups are particularly appealing for men who experience traditional individual or couples approaches as being too alien or off-putting. There’s something comforting about being part of a group of guys dealing with similar issues, who are there to ask for and give support to each other. This seems to echo Henry Ford’s praise for close male relationships: “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.”

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