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Why We Shouldn't Be Neutral about Divorce

Divorced Couples Are Saying Something Important about Regret

William Doherty • 1/13/2019 • 7 Comments

By William Doherty - When I began my therapy practice, I was strictly neutral about divorce. It was the clients’ decision, not mine. But eventually, I was propelled out of my denial about the seriousness of divorce. We have a hundred ways to ask “What would be right for you?” and hardly any to ask “What would be right for others in your life?”

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The Art of Not Knowing the Answer

A Trauma Specialist Shares Her Most Therapeutic Moment

Mary Jo Barrett • 1/10/2019 • No Comments

By Mary Jo Barrett - My very first case was the Byford family. The father was serving a six-month sentence for domestic abuse. During a home visit several months into treatment, the daughter, Laura, announced, “Dad is getting out of jail today! And he’s coming here!” My mind went blank. Her mother looked at me. Suddenly, it was as though I passed whatever strength I had to her, and she then passed it back to me.

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My Father's Ranch

A Daughter Wrestles with Bittersweet Memories and a New, Looming Threat

Alicia Muñoz • 1/8/2019 • No Comments

By Alicia Muñoz - Sometimes family legacies can stir up complicated feelings and outright conflict.

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A Rare Moment of Self-Disclosure

Revealing Ourselves to Clients

Deborah Buckwalter • 1/4/2019 • 2 Comments

By Deborah Buckwalter - The first time I saw Michael, I could barely distinguish his form as human.  A young man in his 20s, Michael had been the sole survivor of a plane crash. The sight of him was unlike anything I’d witnessed before, as was his question that left me confronting everything I'd come to believe about therapist self-disclosure.

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A New Year's Conundrum

A Stumped Therapist's Attempt to Help Two Parents Set Boundaries Has a Surprising Result

Ron Taffel • 12/27/2018 • 1 Comment

By Ron Taffel - At 15, Jenny regularly breaks her curfew, flirts with drugs, and is getting close to being suspended from her Manhattan public school. Today, she and her parents are in my office discussing the latest issue: New Year’s Eve is coming up, and Jenny and her posse have plans.

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Celebrating Singles!

Researcher Bella DePaulo on Keeping Our "Matrimania" in Check

Ryan Howes • 12/20/2018 • 1 Comment

By Ryan Howes - Think of a prototypical healthy adult. Are they married or single? While many studies promote the mental and physical benefits of marriage, long-time singles advocate Bella DePaulo says the reported findings are biased, and we therapists need to better understand the single population as more than people waiting to find the right partner.

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Putting an End to the Blame Game

A Tool for Helping Partners See Both Sides

Alicia Muñoz • 12/18/2018 • No Comments

By Alicia Muñoz - Giving up being right doesn’t mean you give up your convictions. It means honoring a multiplicity of viewpoints. Rumi says, “Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden. I will meet you there.” For couples, this garden is their relationship.

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The Mentor Who Changed My Therapy Practice

…And How Two Little Words Changed Everything

Chris Lyford • 12/18/2018 • 1 Comment

By Chris Lyford - While therapeutic skill is the product of years of practice and self-determination, most clinicians need a mentor: someone who takes them under their wing and inspires them to be a better therapist. The five clinicians whose stories you’re about to read all agree on one thing: seeing how their mentors practice left an indelible mark on their personal and professional development that still resonates today.

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Esther Perel's Secret to Weathering an Affair

Two Ways Couples Who Bounced Back Made It Happen

Esther Perel • 12/11/2018 • 4 Comments

By Esther Perel - For several years, I've been contacting couples I've treated to find out more about the long-term impact of the infidelity that brought them to therapy. What were the useful shock absorbers that sustained the couple? Did they think that therapy had helped? I identified three basic patterns in the way couples reorganize themselves after an infidelity.

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The Grandparenting Trainwreck

A Special Story from Our Family Matters Department

Jeanne Mills • 12/6/2018 • No Comments

By Jeanne Mills - Becoming a grandparent hasn't been easy—there've been numerous slip-ups—but I've learned a few lessons well.

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