By Alicia Muñoz - I used to view boundaries as a fancy way of dressing up rejection, incompetence, and selfishness. But after a decade of working as a couples counselor, I've learned just how much they create safety in relationships. They’re guardians of our life force, energy incubators, protectors of precious emotional resources, stokers and fuelers of self-respect.

By Alicia Muñoz - Sometimes family legacies can stir up complicated feelings and outright conflict.

By Alicia Muñoz - Giving up being right doesn’t mean you give up your convictions. It means honoring a multiplicity of viewpoints. Rumi says, “Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden. I will meet you there.” For couples, this garden is their relationship.

By Alicia Muñoz - Satisfying our needs is a gift our partners give us. Being responsible calls for a willingness to ask clearly and vulnerably for what we want, and to tolerate disappointment.

Sometimes family legacies can stir up complicated feelings and outright conflict.

Alicia Muñoz - When I got sick, something amazing happened: I let go of my agenda. Poof—just like that. In the process, I learned there’s nothing more important than doing nothing for extended periods of time, particularly with your child. It’s easy to overlook nondoing as an important activity—or as an important inactivity.

Alicia Muñoz - Boundaries bind. They limit, stop, and inhibit. But they also free people up to be themselves. In couples where one partner is a people-pleaser, things can get even more complicated.

Helping clients set boundaries can be a risky business, especially when people pleasing has been a lifelong strategy. * Commentary by Courtney Armstrong