Affair Repair

Lessons on Changing Directions

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/13/2017

Couples therapy can be difficult and dicey, especially when there’s an affair in the mix. To keep afloat in the emotional tumult, most therapists cling to certain hard-and-fast rules that form the foundation of their work. One therapist learns some surprising lessons when she reevaluates those tenets to find out what really helps her clients heal from infidelity.

Magazine Article

The Sex-Starved Marriage

Michele Weiner-Davis • 1/11/2016

A sex-starved marriage isn’t about the number of times per week or per month people are actually having sex. It’s one in which one spouse is longing for more touch, more physical closeness, more sex, and—here’s the rub—the other spouse is thinking, “What’s the big deal? It’s just sex.” But it’s a huge deal because it’s really about feeling wanted, loved, and connected. It places the marriage at risk of infidelity and divorce.

Magazine Article

Helping Therapy Clients Push Their Limits

Embracing the Client's Capacity for Resilience and Recovery

Michele Weiner-Davis • 4/24/2015

When we learn that clients have experienced tough childhoods, sexual or emotional abuse, or significant losses, we often make immediate assumptions about their current struggles and the kind of treatment they require. In many ways, the information we gather about problematic pasts biases and blinds us. But human beings are far too complex to assume that we know how any single person assimilates his or her experiences. So why not assume resilience? Why not trust people’s abilities to rebound from adversity?

Daily Blog

Can Couples Therapy Work with Only One Partner?

Action-Oriented Strategies for the Couples Therapist

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/17/2015

Many therapists define the type of therapy they practice by taking a head count: if one person is present, they're practicing individual therapy; if two or more people are present, it's couples or family therapy. I believe this is misguided. The key to determining which brand of therapy is in use at any given point lies in the therapist's orientation and focus, not the number of people occupying space in the room. In contrast to therapists who question the value of doing couples therapy with individuals, this approach is often my method of choice for a variety of reasons. I find it can empower people by showing them that they no longer have to play the waiting game of "I'll change if you change first." Instead, they find themselves back in the driver's seat of their own lives.

Daily Blog

Case Study

Knowing When to Push: Balancing Safety and Challenge

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/1/2015

When a client has been sexually abused, it can be difficult to find the balance between creating safety and challenging old patterns.

Magazine Article

It Takes One to Tango

You Don't Need Both Partners to Do Couples Therapy

Michele Weiner-Davis • 10/23/2014

Many therapists define the type of therapy they practice by taking a head count: if one person is present, they're practicing individual therapy; if two or more people are present, it's couples or family therapy. I believe this is misguided the key to determining which brand of therapy is in use at any given point lies in the therapist's orientation and focus, not the number of people occupying space in the room. In contrast to therapists who question the value of doing couples therapy with individuals, this approach is often my method of choice for a variety of reasons. I find it can empower people by showing them that they no longer have to play the waiting game of "I'll change if you change first." Instead, they find themselves back in the driver's seat of their own lives.

Daily Blog
Copyright:
1/30/2013
Authors:
WILLIAM DOHERTY, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
HARVILLE HENDRIX, PH.D.
 
SUSAN JOHNSON, ED.D.
 
JOHN M. GOTTMAN, PH.D.
 
MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS, MSW
Product:
NOS095500

In the Mood

Desire Seldom Comes to Those Who Wait

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/2/2003

If you've ever thought that a couple's sexual relationship is a barometer of other aspects of their marriage, join the club. And if, because of this belief, your work with distant and warring couples has you shoring up their emotional bond in the hopes that the rest of their marriage—their sex life—will eventually fall into place, you're in good company as well. But there's another, frequently more practical and expedient, way to break through marital gridlock and boost passion.

Magazine Article

It Takes One to Tango

You Don't Need Both Partners to Do Couples Therapy

Michele Weiner-Davis • 9/1/1998

Many therapists define the type of therapy they practice by taking a head count: if one person is present, they're practicing individual therapy; if two or more people are present, it's couples or family therapy. I believe this is misguided the key to determining which brand of therapy is in use at any given point lies in the therapist's orientation and focus, not the number of people occupying space in the room.

Daily Blog

It Takes One to Tango

You Don't Need Both Partners to Do Couples Therapy

Michele Weiner-Davis • 9/1/1998

Ascribing negative intent to those who prefer to steer clear of therapy is unfair, often incorrect and almost always hurtful to those who wish their partners would share their enthusiasm about the benefits of therapy. They end up blaming their partners even more intensely.

Magazine Article
Page 1 of 1 (10 Items)
Copyright:
1/30/2013
Authors:
WILLIAM DOHERTY, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
HARVILLE HENDRIX, PH.D.
 
SUSAN JOHNSON, ED.D.
 
JOHN M. GOTTMAN, PH.D.
 
MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS, MSW
Product:
NOS095500
Page 1 of 1

Helping Therapy Clients Push Their Limits

Embracing the Client's Capacity for Resilience and Recovery

Michele Weiner-Davis • 4/24/2015

When we learn that clients have experienced tough childhoods, sexual or emotional abuse, or significant losses, we often make immediate assumptions about their current struggles and the kind of treatment they require. In many ways, the information we gather about problematic pasts biases and blinds us. But human beings are far too complex to assume that we know how any single person assimilates his or her experiences. So why not assume resilience? Why not trust people’s abilities to rebound from adversity?

Daily Blog

Can Couples Therapy Work with Only One Partner?

Action-Oriented Strategies for the Couples Therapist

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/17/2015

Many therapists define the type of therapy they practice by taking a head count: if one person is present, they're practicing individual therapy; if two or more people are present, it's couples or family therapy. I believe this is misguided. The key to determining which brand of therapy is in use at any given point lies in the therapist's orientation and focus, not the number of people occupying space in the room. In contrast to therapists who question the value of doing couples therapy with individuals, this approach is often my method of choice for a variety of reasons. I find it can empower people by showing them that they no longer have to play the waiting game of "I'll change if you change first." Instead, they find themselves back in the driver's seat of their own lives.

Daily Blog

It Takes One to Tango

You Don't Need Both Partners to Do Couples Therapy

Michele Weiner-Davis • 10/23/2014

Many therapists define the type of therapy they practice by taking a head count: if one person is present, they're practicing individual therapy; if two or more people are present, it's couples or family therapy. I believe this is misguided the key to determining which brand of therapy is in use at any given point lies in the therapist's orientation and focus, not the number of people occupying space in the room. In contrast to therapists who question the value of doing couples therapy with individuals, this approach is often my method of choice for a variety of reasons. I find it can empower people by showing them that they no longer have to play the waiting game of "I'll change if you change first." Instead, they find themselves back in the driver's seat of their own lives.

Daily Blog

It Takes One to Tango

You Don't Need Both Partners to Do Couples Therapy

Michele Weiner-Davis • 9/1/1998

Many therapists define the type of therapy they practice by taking a head count: if one person is present, they're practicing individual therapy; if two or more people are present, it's couples or family therapy. I believe this is misguided the key to determining which brand of therapy is in use at any given point lies in the therapist's orientation and focus, not the number of people occupying space in the room.

Daily Blog
Page 1 of 1 (4 Items)

Affair Repair

Lessons on Changing Directions

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/13/2017

Couples therapy can be difficult and dicey, especially when there’s an affair in the mix. To keep afloat in the emotional tumult, most therapists cling to certain hard-and-fast rules that form the foundation of their work. One therapist learns some surprising lessons when she reevaluates those tenets to find out what really helps her clients heal from infidelity.

Magazine Article

The Sex-Starved Marriage

Michele Weiner-Davis • 1/11/2016

A sex-starved marriage isn’t about the number of times per week or per month people are actually having sex. It’s one in which one spouse is longing for more touch, more physical closeness, more sex, and—here’s the rub—the other spouse is thinking, “What’s the big deal? It’s just sex.” But it’s a huge deal because it’s really about feeling wanted, loved, and connected. It places the marriage at risk of infidelity and divorce.

Magazine Article

Case Study

Knowing When to Push: Balancing Safety and Challenge

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/1/2015

When a client has been sexually abused, it can be difficult to find the balance between creating safety and challenging old patterns.

Magazine Article

In the Mood

Desire Seldom Comes to Those Who Wait

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/2/2003

If you've ever thought that a couple's sexual relationship is a barometer of other aspects of their marriage, join the club. And if, because of this belief, your work with distant and warring couples has you shoring up their emotional bond in the hopes that the rest of their marriage—their sex life—will eventually fall into place, you're in good company as well. But there's another, frequently more practical and expedient, way to break through marital gridlock and boost passion.

Magazine Article

It Takes One to Tango

You Don't Need Both Partners to Do Couples Therapy

Michele Weiner-Davis • 9/1/1998

Ascribing negative intent to those who prefer to steer clear of therapy is unfair, often incorrect and almost always hurtful to those who wish their partners would share their enthusiasm about the benefits of therapy. They end up blaming their partners even more intensely.

Magazine Article
Page 1 of 1 (5 Items)
Michele Weiner-Davis, M.S.W., director of the Divorce Busting Center, is the author of the bestsellers The Sex-Starved Marriage and Divorce Busting.