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The Surprisingly Simple Way to Jump-Start Intimacy

Traditional Approaches Aren't Always the Best Option

Michele Weiner-Davis • 10/3/2017

By Michele Weiner-Davis - When it comes to feeling loved in a marriage, everybody has different requirements. Some people feel loved when their spouses spend time with them. Others feel loved when they've had "good talks." I believe that behavior change often precedes affect or cognitive changes. For many, touch says love like nothing else. Making love is love.

Daily Blog

When All Else Fails

Stories of Vulnerability and Possibility

Dan Siegel, Ken Hardy, Lisa Ferentz, Lynn Lyons, Marian Sandmaier, Michele Weiner-Davis • 5/8/2017

The self-assurance of expert practitioners who publicly present their work can lead everyday therapists to believe that psychotherapy is a far more predictable craft than it actually is. The reality, of course, is much muddier. Therapists on the ground eventually learn that only one mantra applies to every case—it's more complicated than that.
  • I’m Funny and I Faint by Lynn Lyons
  • Thinking Outside the Gift by Lisa Ferentz
  • The Final Shot by Kenneth Hardy
  • First Make the Bed by Michele Weiner-Davis
  • It’s Never Too Late by Daniel Siegel

Magazine Article

Affair Repair

Two Contradictions That Can Help Couples on the Brink Restore Connection

Michele Weiner-Davis • 4/1/2017

By Michele Weiner-Davis - Couples therapy can be difficult and dicey, especially when there’s an affair in the mix. To keep afloat in the emotional tumult, most therapists cling to certain hard-and-fast rules that form the foundation of their work. One therapist learns some surprising lessons when she reevaluates those tenets.

Daily Blog

Affair Repair

Lessons on Changing Directions

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/13/2017

Couples therapy can be difficult and dicey, especially when there’s an affair in the mix. To keep afloat in the emotional tumult, most therapists cling to certain hard-and-fast rules that form the foundation of their work. One therapist learns some surprising lessons when she reevaluates those tenets to find out what really helps her clients heal from infidelity.

Magazine Article

The Sex-Starved Marriage

Michele Weiner-Davis • 1/11/2016

A sex-starved marriage isn’t about the number of times per week or per month people are actually having sex. It’s one in which one spouse is longing for more touch, more physical closeness, more sex, and—here’s the rub—the other spouse is thinking, “What’s the big deal? It’s just sex.” But it’s a huge deal because it’s really about feeling wanted, loved, and connected. It places the marriage at risk of infidelity and divorce.

Magazine Article
Navigating New Norms about Intimacy, Sexuality, Personal Freedom and the Purpose of Marriage
Copyright:
7/1/2015
Authors:
JOHN M. GOTTMAN, PH.D.
 
JULIE GOTTMAN, PH.D.
 
RICHARD SIMON, PH.D.
 
STEVEN L JOHNSON, JD
 
ESTHER PEREL, MA, LMFT
 
MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS, MSW
 
SUZANNE IASENZA, PHD
 
WILLIAM DOHERTY, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
TAMMY NELSON, PHD
Product:
NRC095867
Type:
$39.99 USD

Helping Therapy Clients Push Their Limits

Embracing the Client's Capacity for Resilience and Recovery

Michele Weiner-Davis • 4/24/2015

When we learn that clients have experienced tough childhoods, sexual or emotional abuse, or significant losses, we often make immediate assumptions about their current struggles and the kind of treatment they require. In many ways, the information we gather about problematic pasts biases and blinds us. But human beings are far too complex to assume that we know how any single person assimilates his or her experiences. So why not assume resilience? Why not trust people’s abilities to rebound from adversity?

Daily Blog

Can Couples Therapy Work with Only One Partner?

Action-Oriented Strategies for the Couples Therapist

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/17/2015

Many therapists define the type of therapy they practice by taking a head count: if one person is present, they're practicing individual therapy; if two or more people are present, it's couples or family therapy. I believe this is misguided. The key to determining which brand of therapy is in use at any given point lies in the therapist's orientation and focus, not the number of people occupying space in the room. In contrast to therapists who question the value of doing couples therapy with individuals, this approach is often my method of choice for a variety of reasons. I find it can empower people by showing them that they no longer have to play the waiting game of "I'll change if you change first." Instead, they find themselves back in the driver's seat of their own lives.

Daily Blog

Case Study

Knowing When to Push: Balancing Safety and Challenge

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/1/2015

When a client has been sexually abused, it can be difficult to find the balance between creating safety and challenging old patterns.

Magazine Article

It Takes One to Tango

You Don't Need Both Partners to Do Couples Therapy

Michele Weiner-Davis • 10/23/2014

Many therapists define the type of therapy they practice by taking a head count: if one person is present, they're practicing individual therapy; if two or more people are present, it's couples or family therapy. I believe this is misguided the key to determining which brand of therapy is in use at any given point lies in the therapist's orientation and focus, not the number of people occupying space in the room. In contrast to therapists who question the value of doing couples therapy with individuals, this approach is often my method of choice for a variety of reasons. I find it can empower people by showing them that they no longer have to play the waiting game of "I'll change if you change first." Instead, they find themselves back in the driver's seat of their own lives.

Daily Blog
Page 1 of 2 (15 Items)
Navigating New Norms about Intimacy, Sexuality, Personal Freedom and the Purpose of Marriage
Copyright:
7/1/2015
Authors:
JOHN M. GOTTMAN, PH.D.
 
JULIE GOTTMAN, PH.D.
 
RICHARD SIMON, PH.D.
 
STEVEN L JOHNSON, JD
 
ESTHER PEREL, MA, LMFT
 
MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS, MSW
 
SUZANNE IASENZA, PHD
 
WILLIAM DOHERTY, PH.D.
 
TERRENCE REAL, LICSW
 
TAMMY NELSON, PHD
Product:
NRC095867
Type:
$39.99 USD
Copyright:
2/4/2013
Authors:
DAVID SCHNARCH, PH.D.
 
BARRY W MCCARTHY, PHD, ABPP
 
RICHARD SCHWARTZ, PHD
 
MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS, MSW
 
KATY BUTLER, MA
Product:
NRC095553
Type:
$39.99 USD
Copyright:
4/1/2012
Authors:
JANINA FISHER, PH.D.
 
MARY JO BARRETT, MSW
 
NOEL LARSON, PH.D., MSW
 
STEVEN STOSNY, PHD
 
MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS, MSW
 
JOYANNA SILBERG, PHD
 
MARTHA STRAUS, PHD
Product:
NRC095792
Type:
$39.99 USD
Page 1 of 1 (3 Items)

The Surprisingly Simple Way to Jump-Start Intimacy

Traditional Approaches Aren't Always the Best Option

Michele Weiner-Davis • 10/3/2017

By Michele Weiner-Davis - When it comes to feeling loved in a marriage, everybody has different requirements. Some people feel loved when their spouses spend time with them. Others feel loved when they've had "good talks." I believe that behavior change often precedes affect or cognitive changes. For many, touch says love like nothing else. Making love is love.

Daily Blog

Affair Repair

Two Contradictions That Can Help Couples on the Brink Restore Connection

Michele Weiner-Davis • 4/1/2017

By Michele Weiner-Davis - Couples therapy can be difficult and dicey, especially when there’s an affair in the mix. To keep afloat in the emotional tumult, most therapists cling to certain hard-and-fast rules that form the foundation of their work. One therapist learns some surprising lessons when she reevaluates those tenets.

Daily Blog

Helping Therapy Clients Push Their Limits

Embracing the Client's Capacity for Resilience and Recovery

Michele Weiner-Davis • 4/24/2015

When we learn that clients have experienced tough childhoods, sexual or emotional abuse, or significant losses, we often make immediate assumptions about their current struggles and the kind of treatment they require. In many ways, the information we gather about problematic pasts biases and blinds us. But human beings are far too complex to assume that we know how any single person assimilates his or her experiences. So why not assume resilience? Why not trust people’s abilities to rebound from adversity?

Daily Blog

Can Couples Therapy Work with Only One Partner?

Action-Oriented Strategies for the Couples Therapist

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/17/2015

Many therapists define the type of therapy they practice by taking a head count: if one person is present, they're practicing individual therapy; if two or more people are present, it's couples or family therapy. I believe this is misguided. The key to determining which brand of therapy is in use at any given point lies in the therapist's orientation and focus, not the number of people occupying space in the room. In contrast to therapists who question the value of doing couples therapy with individuals, this approach is often my method of choice for a variety of reasons. I find it can empower people by showing them that they no longer have to play the waiting game of "I'll change if you change first." Instead, they find themselves back in the driver's seat of their own lives.

Daily Blog

It Takes One to Tango

You Don't Need Both Partners to Do Couples Therapy

Michele Weiner-Davis • 10/23/2014

Many therapists define the type of therapy they practice by taking a head count: if one person is present, they're practicing individual therapy; if two or more people are present, it's couples or family therapy. I believe this is misguided the key to determining which brand of therapy is in use at any given point lies in the therapist's orientation and focus, not the number of people occupying space in the room. In contrast to therapists who question the value of doing couples therapy with individuals, this approach is often my method of choice for a variety of reasons. I find it can empower people by showing them that they no longer have to play the waiting game of "I'll change if you change first." Instead, they find themselves back in the driver's seat of their own lives.

Daily Blog

It Takes One to Tango

You Don't Need Both Partners to Do Couples Therapy

Michele Weiner-Davis • 9/1/1998

Many therapists define the type of therapy they practice by taking a head count: if one person is present, they're practicing individual therapy; if two or more people are present, it's couples or family therapy. I believe this is misguided the key to determining which brand of therapy is in use at any given point lies in the therapist's orientation and focus, not the number of people occupying space in the room.

Daily Blog
Page 1 of 1 (6 Items)

When All Else Fails

Stories of Vulnerability and Possibility

Dan Siegel, Ken Hardy, Lisa Ferentz, Lynn Lyons, Marian Sandmaier, Michele Weiner-Davis • 5/8/2017

The self-assurance of expert practitioners who publicly present their work can lead everyday therapists to believe that psychotherapy is a far more predictable craft than it actually is. The reality, of course, is much muddier. Therapists on the ground eventually learn that only one mantra applies to every case—it's more complicated than that.
  • I’m Funny and I Faint by Lynn Lyons
  • Thinking Outside the Gift by Lisa Ferentz
  • The Final Shot by Kenneth Hardy
  • First Make the Bed by Michele Weiner-Davis
  • It’s Never Too Late by Daniel Siegel

Magazine Article

Affair Repair

Lessons on Changing Directions

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/13/2017

Couples therapy can be difficult and dicey, especially when there’s an affair in the mix. To keep afloat in the emotional tumult, most therapists cling to certain hard-and-fast rules that form the foundation of their work. One therapist learns some surprising lessons when she reevaluates those tenets to find out what really helps her clients heal from infidelity.

Magazine Article

The Sex-Starved Marriage

Michele Weiner-Davis • 1/11/2016

A sex-starved marriage isn’t about the number of times per week or per month people are actually having sex. It’s one in which one spouse is longing for more touch, more physical closeness, more sex, and—here’s the rub—the other spouse is thinking, “What’s the big deal? It’s just sex.” But it’s a huge deal because it’s really about feeling wanted, loved, and connected. It places the marriage at risk of infidelity and divorce.

Magazine Article

Case Study

Knowing When to Push: Balancing Safety and Challenge

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/1/2015

When a client has been sexually abused, it can be difficult to find the balance between creating safety and challenging old patterns.

Magazine Article

In the Mood

Desire Seldom Comes to Those Who Wait

Michele Weiner-Davis • 3/2/2003

If you've ever thought that a couple's sexual relationship is a barometer of other aspects of their marriage, join the club. And if, because of this belief, your work with distant and warring couples has you shoring up their emotional bond in the hopes that the rest of their marriage—their sex life—will eventually fall into place, you're in good company as well. But there's another, frequently more practical and expedient, way to break through marital gridlock and boost passion.

Magazine Article

It Takes One to Tango

You Don't Need Both Partners to Do Couples Therapy

Michele Weiner-Davis • 9/1/1998

Ascribing negative intent to those who prefer to steer clear of therapy is unfair, often incorrect and almost always hurtful to those who wish their partners would share their enthusiasm about the benefits of therapy. They end up blaming their partners even more intensely.

Magazine Article
Page 1 of 1 (6 Items)
Michele Weiner-Davis, M.S.W., director of the Divorce Busting Center, is the author of the bestsellers The Sex-Starved Marriage and Divorce Busting.