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By Rich Simon As therapists, many of us practice in two different worlds. In the first, we see polite, well-behaved, articulate clients with solid values. They engage fully in therapy, talk cogently about their problems, listen attentively to our responses, make reasonably good-faith efforts to follow our suggestions, and sooner or later get better. No wonder we genuinely like these people! In this workshop, we’ll explore what biology and the study of other social mammals can tell us about what motivates men and women in relationships. You’ll learn, for example, that love for women means connection and immediate emotional contact, while, for men, the necessary condition for sustaining love is the perceived ability to protect loved ones. We’ll discuss how to take into account these gender distinctions, educate partners about the innate relational predilections they each have, and use innate differences to help partners “translate” their own gender-based expressions of love into a language that the other understands and appreciates. The workshop will also explore the skills needed to lower the emotional reactivity that keeps partners from acknowledging and achieving their deepest desires.
Steven Stosny, Ph.D. is the director of Compassion Power. His books include You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore: How to Turn a Resentful, Angry or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One and How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It.