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By Rich Simon It seems astonishing that even just two or three decades ago, parents not only pretty much knew what was expected of them to turn their offspring into civilized adults, but they could actually count on society to back them up. Even more astounding, kids seemed to understand this, too. Even if they rebelled against, yelled about, or sullenly resented how “unfair” adults were, they seemed to acknowledge adult authority and realize that they would just have to wait until they turned 18 to get for themselves the keys to the kingdom of grown-up independence. | Case Studies - Page 3 |
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I ask, "Can you talk with Whitney? I'm a stranger, and you've come to see me about something that's very significant for your family. Maybe you can talk together, and that'll help me to know how you deal with each other." Richard says, "I can't explain it. That's why we came here." "In the beginning, she'd just lie to us," says Mary. "Now she's getting into trouble with other people. She never tells us the whole story. She's getting out of hand." They're continuing to focus on Whitney, directing their remarks to me. Family members rarely accept the invitation to talk with each other at the beginning of a session, because they've come to tell me their story, and they want me to listen and respond. I turn to Whitney and say, "Can you help me to understand what your parents are saying?" "Well, I'll do something, and they ask me if I did it, and I deny it," she says. "Can you give me an example?" Her father chimes in: "A week ago, she was grounded because of her poor grades and wasn't allowed to use the phone. But I know for a fact she did use the phone." "How did you know?" I query. "How did you become a detective? By the way, who is a better detective, you or Mary?"
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