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NP0038: Who’s Afraid of Couples Therapy?

Welcome to our “Who’s Afraid of Couples Therapy?” This exciting series, back by popular demand, is based on our November/December 2011 issue on this topic and will explore the challenges of couples work. What are the most effective strategies in working with couples? How can therapists structure therapy—particularly in the early sessions—so that couples leave with a sense of hope, rather than frustration? Can working with individuals who have serious issues in their relationships actually be detrimental to them? Find out the answers to these questions and much more. In this first session with expert couples therapists Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, the creators of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, you’ll find out why clinicians often avoid working with couples and how you can better prepare yourself for couples therapy work. How can therapists most effectively work with emotion in the consulting room—particularly when it comes to couples therapy? Learn with internationally known couples therapist Hedy Schleifer how to help create a nourishing connection between partners, define a role as therapist-as-guide, and much more. Schleifer, who’s pioneered the training of Imago Relationship therapists internationally, will go into how to use this theory in practice and how to best work with emotions. What happens when partners in couples therapy have two different agendas in mind? Hear from expert William Doherty on this little spoken about topic. Learn how Discernment Counseling, an approach that helps couples clarify their feelings about the next step in their relationship, can help both clients and therapists. Is it possible to rebuild trust and intimacy in a couple’s relationship after a partner has had an affair? How can therapists help? Hear from Esther Perel, author of the international bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, on how to help couples after an infidelity and the role that cultural perspectives have in this emotional situation. Explore this classic dynamic of couples therapy—an angry woman and a withdrawn man—that’s often confusing for therapists, with couples therapist Jette Simon. Learn more about what’s behind the feelings of anger and the behavior of withdrawing, and how clinicians can more effectively work with shame and fear of disconnection. Hear an unconventional perspective on couples therapy from David Schnarch, who believes that the best way to help couples is to challenge partners to change their individual behaviors and attitudes. Schnarch’s direct, upfront approach to helping clients will illustrate a different viewpoint on effective couples therapy. Join Marty Klein, a marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist, us for a candid discussion about the assumptions that both clients and therapists often share that can get in the way of improving couples’ sexual relationships. Discover with Kathryn Rheem how to respond effectively when clients express strong feelings in session. Based on Emotionally Focused Therapy, you’ll explore attunement and how to use your own emotions to help clients move beyond attachment injuries. After the session, please let us know what you think. If you ever have any technical questions or issues, please feel free to email support@psychotherapynetworker.org.

Whole Psychiatry: Alternatives to Conventional Psychopharmacology with Robert Hedaya

Meds: Myths and Realities: NP0035 – Session 4

Is psychopharmacology is a 'go-to' in your practice? Join Robert Hedaya as he discusses how to treat the bodily systems that underlay many mental health issues while avoiding medication. After the session, please let us know what you think. If you ever have any technical questions or issues, please feel free to email support@psychotherapynetworker.org.

Treating the Mixed-Agenda Couple

Bill Doherty On An Approach For Unaligned Relationships

Tough Customers: Is It Them or Us?

Tough CustomersBy Rich Simon As therapists, many of us practice in two different worlds. In the first, we see polite, well-behaved, articulate clients with solid values. They engage fully in therapy, talk cogently about their problems, listen attentively to our responses, make reasonably good-faith efforts to follow our suggestions, and sooner or later get better. No wonder we genuinely like these people!

Does This Kid Need Medication? with Ron Taffel

Meds: Myths and Realities: NP0035 – Session 3

Do you feel like you could be a more effective therapist with your younger clients? Do you find it hard to determine when interventions--psychological and pharmacological--might be needed? Join Ron Taffel and learn to identify key diagnostic signs that indicate medications could be helpful when dealing with depression, anxiety, AD/HD, and affective disorders. After the session, please let us know what you think. If you ever have any technical questions or issues, please feel free to email support@psychotherapynetworker.org.
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In Consultation: The Motherhood Marathon - Page 5

 

Support teamwork and intimacy with her partner. Many couples disagree about childrearing and sharing the load, and there's little time for the conversation and affection that reknit relationships. As a result, a mother often feels inadequately supported, while her partner feels sidelined. So I'll try to help a couple to:

- Cultivate empathy. To build bridges, we'll explore how each has been affected by becoming a parent. Asking about empathy in the early days of their relationship helps spotlight its importance today, and they may practice its central skills: paying attention, looking beneath the surface, and checking back.

- Settle conflicts over childrearing. We'll begin by identifying where they already agree, and then explore the childhood experiences and deeply felt values underlying the issues that remain. With greater understanding, they're more able to compromise on practical solutions. Sometimes it helps to refer them to neutral experts as tie-breakers, to teach specific negotiation skills (e.g., focusing on solutions for the future) or to referee as they resolve a concrete issue like how to handle tantrums.

- Tackle workload inequities. The average mother is on-task about 20 hours a week more than her partner. This is a source of conflict with many couples. To help a couple work through it, I may start by asking them to record their time for a week, and the plain facts alone often prompt greater fairness. By discussing beliefs such as "working for pay counts more than caring for children," it usually becomes clear that childrearing and housework are more stressful than most jobs, and for more important stakes. Then it's easier to come up with practical agreements, such as making a base schedule for a typical week and deciding who'll do what.

- Buttress the foundation of intimacy. We'll explore what each partner wants in terms of time together, good conversation, and nonsexual affection. Then we'll discuss how to make that happen, such as sometimes having dinner together by feeding the kids first, a daily hug, a regular date night, or doing more childrearing activities together.

- Nurture sexuality after children. I'll help a couple talk candidly about the changes in their sex life and how each would like it to be. We'll often explore ways to increase the sensual aspect of their relationship and troubleshoot roadblocks, such as a baby in the bedroom. This often helps couples come to an understanding about how often they hope to make love, as something important that they both want to share reasonably often.

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a psychologist and writer in San Rafael, California. He's the principal author of Mother Nurture: A Mother's Guide to Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships and of articles on the subject available at www.NurtureMom.com. Contact: drrh@ mindspring.com. Letters to the Editor about this department may be e-mailed to letters@ psychnetworker.org.

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