Case Studies Mar/Apr - Page 10

 

The Heals component of the boot camp is repetitive and tedious, but it produces long-lasting results, as it, literally, rewires couples' brains to be more compassionate.

Of course, Sherry and Carl had specific problems—concerning in-laws, parenting, and finances. But as often happens, we didn't need to spend much time on those in the boot camp. The therapists they'd already seen had given them sufficient insight and skills to solve typical relationship disputes. The missing element was skill in self-regulation, to enable them to hold onto self-value and value for each other, when the other's behavior stimulated core hurts. With a newfound ability to self-regulate under stress, they could access the skills they'd already learned. Solving problems is the easy part; holding onto self-value and value for loved ones during hard times and adrenalin rushes is much harder—and much more rewarding.

Case Commentary

By Michele Bograd

Family and marital therapy became more sensitive to issues of gender two decades ago, and since then the profession has become far more sophisticated about the intersection of therapy and many social dimensions: class, race, age, sexual orientation, and gender. In the culture at large, a generation of younger men and women hold expectations and beliefs about gender roles and intimate relationships that are completely different from those of their parents. At a time when diversity is widely embraced, we're all very much aware that there isn't one way to be masculine or feminine, but many.

Thus, it was surprising to read a case study that makes use of worn stereotypes about men, albeit with a light, humorous touch. I don't see many of these men in my clinical practice: there are no skid marks outside my door, no men worried about becoming women—no men, in short, who look like two-dimensional masculine cutouts. In fact, I feel it's important for me, as a therapist, to question my own beliefs about "men in general," since no individual man fulfills my best or worst fantasies of who he really is. It's hard to accept that the author believes that a simple description fits all men who've "failed" previous rounds of marital therapy.

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