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NP0038: Who’s Afraid of Couples Therapy?

Welcome to our “Who’s Afraid of Couples Therapy?” This exciting series, back by popular demand, is based on our November/December 2011 issue on this topic and will explore the challenges of couples work. What are the most effective strategies in working with couples? How can therapists structure therapy—particularly in the early sessions—so that couples leave with a sense of hope, rather than frustration? Can working with individuals who have serious issues in their relationships actually be detrimental to them? Find out the answers to these questions and much more. In this first session with expert couples therapists Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, the creators of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, you’ll find out why clinicians often avoid working with couples and how you can better prepare yourself for couples therapy work. How can therapists most effectively work with emotion in the consulting room—particularly when it comes to couples therapy? Learn with internationally known couples therapist Hedy Schleifer how to help create a nourishing connection between partners, define a role as therapist-as-guide, and much more. Schleifer, who’s pioneered the training of Imago Relationship therapists internationally, will go into how to use this theory in practice and how to best work with emotions. What happens when partners in couples therapy have two different agendas in mind? Hear from expert William Doherty on this little spoken about topic. Learn how Discernment Counseling, an approach that helps couples clarify their feelings about the next step in their relationship, can help both clients and therapists. Is it possible to rebuild trust and intimacy in a couple’s relationship after a partner has had an affair? How can therapists help? Hear from Esther Perel, author of the international bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, on how to help couples after an infidelity and the role that cultural perspectives have in this emotional situation. Explore this classic dynamic of couples therapy—an angry woman and a withdrawn man—that’s often confusing for therapists, with couples therapist Jette Simon. Learn more about what’s behind the feelings of anger and the behavior of withdrawing, and how clinicians can more effectively work with shame and fear of disconnection. Hear an unconventional perspective on couples therapy from David Schnarch, who believes that the best way to help couples is to challenge partners to change their individual behaviors and attitudes. Schnarch’s direct, upfront approach to helping clients will illustrate a different viewpoint on effective couples therapy. Join Marty Klein, a marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist, us for a candid discussion about the assumptions that both clients and therapists often share that can get in the way of improving couples’ sexual relationships. Discover with Kathryn Rheem how to respond effectively when clients express strong feelings in session. Based on Emotionally Focused Therapy, you’ll explore attunement and how to use your own emotions to help clients move beyond attachment injuries. After the session, please let us know what you think. If you ever have any technical questions or issues, please feel free to email support@psychotherapynetworker.org.

Whole Psychiatry: Alternatives to Conventional Psychopharmacology with Robert Hedaya

Meds: Myths and Realities: NP0035 – Session 4

Is psychopharmacology is a 'go-to' in your practice? Join Robert Hedaya as he discusses how to treat the bodily systems that underlay many mental health issues while avoiding medication. After the session, please let us know what you think. If you ever have any technical questions or issues, please feel free to email support@psychotherapynetworker.org.

Treating the Mixed-Agenda Couple

Bill Doherty On An Approach For Unaligned Relationships

Tough Customers: Is It Them or Us?

Tough CustomersBy Rich Simon As therapists, many of us practice in two different worlds. In the first, we see polite, well-behaved, articulate clients with solid values. They engage fully in therapy, talk cogently about their problems, listen attentively to our responses, make reasonably good-faith efforts to follow our suggestions, and sooner or later get better. No wonder we genuinely like these people!

Does This Kid Need Medication? with Ron Taffel

Meds: Myths and Realities: NP0035 – Session 3

Do you feel like you could be a more effective therapist with your younger clients? Do you find it hard to determine when interventions--psychological and pharmacological--might be needed? Join Ron Taffel and learn to identify key diagnostic signs that indicate medications could be helpful when dealing with depression, anxiety, AD/HD, and affective disorders. After the session, please let us know what you think. If you ever have any technical questions or issues, please feel free to email support@psychotherapynetworker.org.
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The New Monogamy - Page 8

One couple I see, Ned and Beatrice, who'd always kept what they thought was a clear agreement around monogamy—no outside sexual partners—discovered that they were both having sexual liaisons when they traveled for work. First Ned, the husband, got "caught" and confessed to several experiences that he described as "nonemotional, just purely recreational, sex." Beatrice felt hurt and betrayed, and wondered whether she should leave Ned. I asked her not to make any decisions for at least six months because her feelings were intense right then, and it would be hard to make a clear decision.

For several weeks, we worked on the betrayal of their original monogamy agreement. Then Beatrice confessed that she, too, had had several dalliances on the road, and found that really they hadn't affected her feelings for her husband. They were both surprised and wondered if this was a sign that they were growing apart. I asked them whether the secrets and the lying would eventually force them to feel as though they were living parallel lives. They felt it would, and that their answer (not mine) was to agree that each could continue their outside sexual experiences, but with clearer rules.

They agreed they could each have sex with other people outside the marriage, but only while traveling separately. In addition, they could never have sex with a colleague who worked for the same firm or have sex more than once with the same person. The other important rule was that they had to tell their partner afterward that it had happened, but with no details unless they felt compelled to share some emotional experience they were having about the incident. If that happened, they agreed they'd need to do some crisis intervention to figure out what was happening in their marriage.

Both Ned and Beatrice said that they could never have had this type of open marriage earlier in their lives. "At younger ages, we would have been too threatened," she said. "But now I know neither of us is going to end the marriage. We love each other, but we married young and we never had sex with anyone else, ever. I figure I'm in my fifties, and how many years do I have left to have sex?" she added. "I wanted to experience what it was like, and I feel like I have my husband's permission, and that's made me feel so close to him. I feel like I'm a fully alive sexual being. I'm more attractive to my husband because I know that I'm attractive to other men. I can't explain it," she concluded, "but I feel like I love Ned more than ever."

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doulos123  - Disappoinment   |Registered |2010-10-16 17:00:36
Monogamy by its name refers to a exclusive system where one woman and one man
enter into a covenental agreement declaring themselves wholly unto the other and
if a marriage is open then it is no longer qualifies as monogamous. In South
Carolina and most every state in the US, this kind of relationship is called
adultery meaning voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and
someone other than his or her lawful spouse.
What Licensed Marriage and Family
Therapist would help couples navigate into this lifestyle choice and help ease
the conscious of the harm that occurs emotionally to those affected by such
lifestyle choices?

Psychotherapy Networker, How did you permit your editors to
publish this in such a well-respected magazine?
aja.lippincott   |Registered |2010-08-11 13:23:17
My only comment is that I'm displeased with the author's term "new
monogamy." Is this a tern coined by the author? There is already a term for
these sort of non tradition marriages and relationships. The term is polyamory
and people have been using this term with pride for quite awhile now and many
embrace the distinction from monogamy. To refer to this as "new
monogamy" categorizes these types of relationships with the mainstream
alternative, which they are not.
motherconfessor   |Registered |2010-08-06 13:10:04
I must say, I am confused by the term "New Monogamy" as described here.
It seems to be taking huge liberties with the word "monogamy," and is in
fact confusing it with the word "marriage." What you are describing is
exactly not monogamy, by definition, but is in fact known by several different
already-established names, depending on the way the people involved do things -
such terms as polyamory (roughly defined as loving many) and swinging (having
multiple casual sex partners.)

I have personally come across many polyamorous
couples, some legally married, and some not. I know several who have lasted
more than a decade. The health and survival of the relationship depends
entirely on basic qualities of honesty, respect, and communication. Plenty of
poly relationships fail, but when they succeed, I have found them to have
particularly strong bases in these regards.

I am a little troubled by your...
hnoelle  - Mr. Hellmut Noelle   |Registered |2010-08-06 06:10:10
After reading "The New Monogamy" and the 2 about other articles about
infidelity, I observed the message that disclosure is mostly optional. However,
the articles did not even refer to some of the ways in which disclosure
happens.
1. The doctor informs a person that they now have a Sexually
Transmitted Infection, from their partner, who received it as a common side
effect of an affair. This “gift” that can be both life long and
lethal.
2. Finances are being withdrawn from the bank account for child support
after an accidental pregnancy.

The articles avoided other common consequences
such as:
1. The possibility of losing one’s employment following an affair
with a co-worker.
2. Financial, social, sexual or emotional extortion from a
lover or partner to prevent or limit disclosure.
3. How an affair can also lead
to increased incidences of a damaged self-image, guilt, depression, suicidality,
violence and...
bhibbs  - Psychologist and Author   |Registered |2010-07-26 05:13:10
I was interested in the "new" take on old subject of "The New
Monogamy," by Tammy Nelson, July/August, 2010. My early years as family
therapist (late 70's) were informed by "Open Marriage," a phrase coined
by George and Nena O'Neill's books on the subject. Five years later, Nena, an
anthrolopologist by training, followed 100 couples who had ascribed to the
"new" monogamy-- few remained married. The longest sexually open
marriage was two years (and begat her second book), "The Marriage
Premise." While a therapist wears many hats, I think that educating
couples about the odds for divorce is an important obligation. Unlike European
culture, American culture simultaneously values both individual happiness and
marriage, resulting in the contradictory entitlements seen in the open marriage.
I appreciate Ms. Nelson's inclusion of the older couple, who more European
style, settled on "...

3.26 Copyright (C) 2008 Compojoom.com / Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved."

 

Ethics Continuing Education

Psychotherapy Networker is the most trusted choice for ethics, continuing education, and current research and trends from the psychotherapy community. The magazine receives national acclaim and has been awarded many prestigious honors. Its groundbreaking website acts as a reliable online resource for all therapists.

For training in ethics and risk management, Networker's continuing education programs offer therapists many opportunities for selecting a learning format that suits their preferred style. There are diverse educational opportunities including streaming-video webinars, MP3 audio, and reading courses based on articles from the magazine as well as comment boards aimed at particular areas of study.

Psychotherapy Networker strives to foster the growth of a broad and diverse community of therapists. In addition to the variety of ethics courses, the site offers such popular topics as couples therapy, brain science and psychotherapy, and mindfulness. You can also find a database of free articles, blogs, and information. You don't have to be a member to benefit from the free resources, but online membership is free, easy, and gives an even wider range of resource choices. Click here to register now.

Making ethical choices is fundamental to the practice of psychotherapy, and the topic of proper ethics remains controversial and difficult for many therapists to navigate. You are not alone in your concern for treating clients with proper and deserved respect. The Networker encourages debate and discourse among practitioners in order to improve our community and understanding of ethical issues--particularly the impact of the changing online environment. 

If you're looking for trustworthy resources on ethics, continuing education, and other important issues, look no further than the Psychotherapy Networker, America's premier therapy publication and online community.