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Treating the Mixed-Agenda Couple

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Tough Customers: Is It Them or Us?

Tough CustomersBy Rich Simon As therapists, many of us practice in two different worlds. In the first, we see polite, well-behaved, articulate clients with solid values. They engage fully in therapy, talk cogently about their problems, listen attentively to our responses, make reasonably good-faith efforts to follow our suggestions, and sooner or later get better. No wonder we genuinely like these people!

Does This Kid Need Medication? with Ron Taffel

Meds: Myths and Realities: NP0035 – Session 3

Do you feel like you could be a more effective therapist with your younger clients? Do you find it hard to determine when interventions--psychological and pharmacological--might be needed? Join Ron Taffel and learn to identify key diagnostic signs that indicate medications could be helpful when dealing with depression, anxiety, AD/HD, and affective disorders. After the session, please let us know what you think. If you ever have any technical questions or issues, please feel free to email support@psychotherapynetworker.org.

You Don’t Have To Choose

Casey Truffo On Doing The Work You Love And Making It Pay

In Consultation

Peer Supervision Groups that Work

By Eleanor Counselman

Three steps that make a difference

Q: I’d like to organize a peer supervision group, but I’ve heard their failure rate is high. What do you recommend? A: Peer supervision groups provide a welcome respite from the isolation of private practice and an informal, nonevaluative setting after years of formal supervision, particularly for young therapists. They offer valuable guidance on difficult cases and tough ethical dilemmas to therapists at any level of experience. And they’re free! However, as you note, many of them fail. In my experience, careful attention to the initial contract and the ongoing group process can make a huge difference in helping them sustain their membership and thrive. Though they’re often called peer supervision groups, it would be more accurate to call them peer consultation groups. Members don’t have direct supervisory responsibility for one another’s cases: they simply offer suggestions, which members can accept or reject. They typically have four to six members who have approximately the same level of professional experience or share a specific area of interest. Members meet on a regular, usually biweekly, basis. Group consultation, with or without a leader, offers advantages over individual consultation. It includes the possibility of multiple perspectives on the same problem and the reduction of clinicians’ shame about confusions and mistakes as they share similar stories about their struggles with difficult cases. Another benefit is peer interaction, which develops one’s professional sense of self. The hall-of-mirrors effect—seeing yourself as others see you—which is so potent in therapy groups, is a major component of the supervision group experience. Nevertheless, despite the many benefits, it’s challenging to start and maintain a consultation group, particularly if it’s a leaderless one. They can fail to thrive or suffer from “task drift,” moving them away from discussing clinical material and into a form of therapy. It can be difficult to integrate new members and maintain clarity about the group’s own process. Presenting cases in supervision in any format poses obvious risks to one’s self-esteem, and group dynamics add additional risks: issues of power, competition, exposure, and shame can lead members to drop out. It’s especially challenging to manage group dynamics in leaderless groups, as it’s usually the leader’s role to remain aware of what’s happening within the group, and without a leader in charge, shame or fear of being judged may silence members. The most successful leaderless groups seem to be those in which the group members find a balance between a focus on cognitive and emotional issues—talking about cases and about the feelings that arise when seeing clients—while consciously managing the functions that a designated leader would serve. These include protecting the group contract, setting and maintaining appropriate norms, and handling gatekeeping matters, such as bringing in new members. A crucial component of maintaining an atmosphere of group safety is regular, dependable member attendance. Without this, a group will never feel like a place to take risks. Members need to be willing to bring up concerns about irregular attendance because, just as in a therapy group, member lateness and absences can indicate issues that need exploring. Chronic irregular attendance can be demoralizing and cause a group to fail. When it comes to group safety and cohesion, Woody Allen was right: 90 percent of supervision group success is about showing up. A significant issue in any supervision group is shame and the reluctance to expose oneself. To make supervision groups feel safer, therapist David Altfeld developed a model of group consultation in which all group members simply share their emotional reactions and associations to a situation being discussed, instead of one person presenting a specific case issue and everyone else giving advice as resident “experts.” This procedure levels the playing field by not allowing members to compete for the best case analysis. It leaves room for highlighting emotional issues, countertransference reactions, and parallel process. Making everyone vulnerable in this manner avoids opportunities for excessive criticism (or its counterpart, excessive niceness) and encourages emotional sharing. Another group consultation model, developed by Irish therapist Bobby Moore, focuses only on minimal case information, such as a patient’s age, length of time in therapy, and perhaps a little demographic information. Then the presenter talks about his or her thoughts, fantasies, feelings, and associations about the patient and the therapy. Group members then share their associations. Following that, the initial presenter is invited to share any further associations. Only at this point does the presenter give the facts of the case and the clinical dilemma. Finally, the group thinks together about what’s been discussed and what it indicates about the case. For those interested in the power of the collective unconscious, this is a fascinating process to experience. To succeed, a consultation group must feel safe and useful to its members. Here are a few simple principles to follow: Clarify the group structure. The group needs to agree on the frequency and length of meetings, which is best accomplished with a predictable schedule. The group needs to agree on its task and focus: is this group for any clinical issue or just for couples, or trauma, or group therapy? How much time will the group spend on “schmoozing,” and will there be one or more than one case presented each time? What will be the presentation format? While most groups use verbal presentation, some groups are now using videoclips—which makes the discussion much livelier. Agree on membership issues. How many members will the group have, and how will new members be integrated? Once a group has formed, I believe that decisions about adding more members should be a group decision. While it may be tempting to accept a request from someone who wants to join the group, a total of six members seems to be the maximum number for each member to have enough opportunities for presentations. Attend to the group process and dynamics. While groups should build in a “schmooze” or “check-in” time, there needs to be an agreed-upon limit to the socializing, so that the group doesn’t become a therapy group or a coffee klatch. Without a leader, the members themselves must monitor the group’s procedures and raise any important issues. Some groups do this ad hoc; others schedule a regular review meeting to evaluate how things are going. Leaderless peer supervision groups can help clinicians at any stage further clinical learning and combat professional isolation. They’re likeliest to succeed when the group members have a clear working agreement, maintain regular attendance, and create an environment in which both emotional and cognitive learning occurs. Eleanor Counselman, Ed.D., is a past president of the Northeastern Society for Group Psychotherapy and an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. She’s published numerous articles on psychotherapy and has a private practice in Belmont, Massachusetts.
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The New Monogamy - Page 6

The second aspect of affairs is the outside relationship, which can be with a good friend at work or an old college drinking buddy, an ex-lover or ex-spouse one occasionally meets for lunch, a one-night stand, or a full-fledged mistress. In our culture, intimacy, privacy, secrecy, and loyalty are often reserved (in theory) entirely for the spouse. Within this conceptual model of "togetherness," sharing personal information with a close friend of the opposite sex may be considered a threat to the marriage. Sharing intimate thoughts and secrets with such friends can be considered a kind of theft from the primary relationship—"that's our business," the offended partner might think—and it can sometimes cross the line from friendship to romantic and sexual attraction. Even a stimulating intellectual, social, and political connection can be considered dangerous—political campaigns, for example, are rife with affairs that draw upon the adrenaline-fueled excitement and camaraderie of the contest. Even if never acted on physically, this outside "friendship" can feel like a betrayal to the spouse when the partner obviously finds it so much more vital, exciting, and intimate than the dull domesticity of home.

Brad and Janet had been married for 14 years, with two children, 10 and 12. Brad was a computer programmer who worked nights and Janet was a socially isolated, stay-at-home mom. Brad had exposure to many professional relationships, many of which were with women. Janet routinely read his e-mail, listened in on his phone calls, and checked his pockets, before it finally sank in that her husband did have only friendly professional contact with these women. At that point, they figured out ways to bring the women into the relationship on a social level, including them in dinner parties and other social events. Janet began to realize that Brad's friends could be her pipeline to a richer social life. Furthermore, with communication skills they learned in therapy, she was able to tell him when she felt uncomfortable about his women friends' calling him at the house or spending too much time on the phone with him. He was able to empathize with her feelings and, thereafter, included her or got off the phone.

The third and most fraught aspect of affairs is, of course, sexual infidelity. Again, infidelity occurs on a continuum and is sometimes as much in the eye of the beholder as in the actual behavior. Some, particularly those of strong religious beliefs, consider that "coveting" one neighbor's wife or "lusting" after another, not to mention using porn, are as much breaches of fidelity as checking into a cheap motel with a secret lover. By contrast, one spouse may allow the other free reign on Internet sexual relationships as long as there's no actual meeting or "touching." Sex with prostitutes or even a purely sexual quickie with someone may be acceptable, as long as the sex is compartmentalized in a distant emotional universe far, far away from the Planet Earth of the "real" relationship.

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doulos123  - Disappoinment   |Registered |2010-10-16 17:00:36
Monogamy by its name refers to a exclusive system where one woman and one man
enter into a covenental agreement declaring themselves wholly unto the other and
if a marriage is open then it is no longer qualifies as monogamous. In South
Carolina and most every state in the US, this kind of relationship is called
adultery meaning voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and
someone other than his or her lawful spouse.
What Licensed Marriage and Family
Therapist would help couples navigate into this lifestyle choice and help ease
the conscious of the harm that occurs emotionally to those affected by such
lifestyle choices?

Psychotherapy Networker, How did you permit your editors to
publish this in such a well-respected magazine?
aja.lippincott   |Registered |2010-08-11 13:23:17
My only comment is that I'm displeased with the author's term "new
monogamy." Is this a tern coined by the author? There is already a term for
these sort of non tradition marriages and relationships. The term is polyamory
and people have been using this term with pride for quite awhile now and many
embrace the distinction from monogamy. To refer to this as "new
monogamy" categorizes these types of relationships with the mainstream
alternative, which they are not.
motherconfessor   |Registered |2010-08-06 13:10:04
I must say, I am confused by the term "New Monogamy" as described here.
It seems to be taking huge liberties with the word "monogamy," and is in
fact confusing it with the word "marriage." What you are describing is
exactly not monogamy, by definition, but is in fact known by several different
already-established names, depending on the way the people involved do things -
such terms as polyamory (roughly defined as loving many) and swinging (having
multiple casual sex partners.)

I have personally come across many polyamorous
couples, some legally married, and some not. I know several who have lasted
more than a decade. The health and survival of the relationship depends
entirely on basic qualities of honesty, respect, and communication. Plenty of
poly relationships fail, but when they succeed, I have found them to have
particularly strong bases in these regards.

I am a little troubled by your...
hnoelle  - Mr. Hellmut Noelle   |Registered |2010-08-06 06:10:10
After reading "The New Monogamy" and the 2 about other articles about
infidelity, I observed the message that disclosure is mostly optional. However,
the articles did not even refer to some of the ways in which disclosure
happens.
1. The doctor informs a person that they now have a Sexually
Transmitted Infection, from their partner, who received it as a common side
effect of an affair. This “gift” that can be both life long and
lethal.
2. Finances are being withdrawn from the bank account for child support
after an accidental pregnancy.

The articles avoided other common consequences
such as:
1. The possibility of losing one’s employment following an affair
with a co-worker.
2. Financial, social, sexual or emotional extortion from a
lover or partner to prevent or limit disclosure.
3. How an affair can also lead
to increased incidences of a damaged self-image, guilt, depression, suicidality,
violence and...
bhibbs  - Psychologist and Author   |Registered |2010-07-26 05:13:10
I was interested in the "new" take on old subject of "The New
Monogamy," by Tammy Nelson, July/August, 2010. My early years as family
therapist (late 70's) were informed by "Open Marriage," a phrase coined
by George and Nena O'Neill's books on the subject. Five years later, Nena, an
anthrolopologist by training, followed 100 couples who had ascribed to the
"new" monogamy-- few remained married. The longest sexually open
marriage was two years (and begat her second book), "The Marriage
Premise." While a therapist wears many hats, I think that educating
couples about the odds for divorce is an important obligation. Unlike European
culture, American culture simultaneously values both individual happiness and
marriage, resulting in the contradictory entitlements seen in the open marriage.
I appreciate Ms. Nelson's inclusion of the older couple, who more European
style, settled on "...

3.26 Copyright (C) 2008 Compojoom.com / Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved."

 

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