The Tao of Improv - Page 10


So, from an improv perspective, we can say to Mike and Loren what we see: that they seem emotionally stuck because they're putting their energy into cutting slicker deals or getting the other to go along with what he or she is offering. Instead, we want to help them change their perspective and attitude to one in which there are no deals or power struggles—where they're emotionally sitting together on the same side of the table, rather than across from each other. We encourage them to experiment with generosity—to step up and offer to take the kids on Saturday morning—without the expected payoff, and see what happens. We help them see that by changing their mindset, they can change their world.

Brad is looking down. "Are you guys okay?" asks Ann. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's okay," I say, holding up my hand. "Just give us a minute."

I put my arm around Brad's neck. "I understand that you feel responsible for Dad. But you didn't know that putting on too much aftershave would trigger his heart attack."

"But I was the one who gave him the aftershave for his birthday," says Brad, now pretending to cry. "If I hadn't given it to him, he'd still be here. It was my fault."

"Joe, it wasn't your fault. Don't feel guilty," I say quietly. "Remember what Dad said in the hospital: Ômen are more than big muscles and sweat. You don't have to smell of concrete dust all the time.' He didn't blame you. He wanted us to be like him. He always wanted us to know that it was alright to . . . smell good."

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