Welcome to our
“Who’s Afraid of Couples Therapy?” This exciting series, back by popular demand, is based on our November/December 2011 issue on this topic and will explore the challenges of couples work.
What are the most effective strategies in working with couples? How can therapists structure therapy—particularly in the early sessions—so that couples leave with a sense of hope, rather than frustration? Can working with individuals who have serious issues in their relationships actually be detrimental to them? Find out the answers to these questions and much more. In this first session with expert couples therapists
Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, the creators of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, you’ll find out why clinicians often avoid working with couples and how you can better prepare yourself for couples therapy work.
How can therapists most effectively work with emotion in the consulting room—particularly when it comes to couples therapy? Learn with internationally known couples therapist
Hedy Schleifer how to help create a nourishing connection between partners, define a role as therapist-as-guide, and much more. Schleifer, who’s pioneered the training of Imago Relationship therapists internationally, will go into how to use this theory in practice and how to best work with emotions.
What happens when partners in couples therapy have two different agendas in mind? Hear from expert
William Doherty on this little spoken about topic. Learn how Discernment Counseling, an approach that helps couples clarify their feelings about the next step in their relationship, can help both clients and therapists.
Is it possible to rebuild trust and intimacy in a couple’s relationship after a partner has had an affair? How can therapists help? Hear from
Esther Perel, author of the international bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, on how to help couples after an infidelity and the role that cultural perspectives have in this emotional situation.
Explore this classic dynamic of couples therapy—an angry woman and a withdrawn man—that’s often confusing for therapists, with couples therapist
Jette Simon. Learn more about what’s behind the feelings of anger and the behavior of withdrawing, and how clinicians can more effectively work with shame and fear of disconnection.
Hear an unconventional perspective on couples therapy from
David Schnarch, who believes that the best way to help couples is to challenge partners to change their individual behaviors and attitudes. Schnarch’s direct, upfront approach to helping clients will illustrate a different viewpoint on effective couples therapy.
Join
Marty Klein, a marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist, us for a candid discussion about the assumptions that both clients and therapists often share that can get in the way of improving couples’ sexual relationships.
Discover with
Kathryn Rheem how to respond effectively when clients express strong feelings in session. Based on Emotionally Focused Therapy, you’ll explore attunement and how to use your own emotions to help clients move beyond attachment injuries.
After the session, please let us know what you think. If you ever have any
technical questions or issues, please feel free to email
support@psychotherapynetworker.org.
I especially appreciated Mary Jo's emphasis on processing almost all of these ethical dilemmas (other than therapist's crushes) with the client. My Gestalt training has always steered me in that direction, and I felt very affirmed by everything she explained. I also liked her distinction of when to attend client "rituals" - only go to ceremonies, but not to parties. That was very helpful and has cleared up for me what I felt all along - I attended a non-traditional student's graduation from junior college, but did not feel comfortable going to the party afterward.
I appreciated Mary Jo's honest examples. Especially helpful her approach to answering person questions, exploring the positives and negatives of doing so. Also a good reinforcement and good examples of collaboration with client. Thank you.
Because some of my DID clients are artists/writers, I have had to grapple with the dilemma of clients wanting to give me gifts of their work. When I began my career as a therapist several decades ago, I maintained an absolute boundary of not accepting any gifts and, of course, explaining the ethics of why and discussing clients feelings and thoughts about themselves about this.
Over the years, my thinking about gifts has changed. It has been therapeutic for clients to discover why it feels important to them to give me a gift. Is it a re-enactment from the past? One common response is to feel special. I've tried different approaches like creating a rock garden in my office where clients can add a rock they found to the collection.
I continue to struggle with this dilemma, however. It would be helpful to me to hear how other clinicians handle gifts.
Mary Jo
Thank you so much, Mary Jo, this was very helpful. You have given me some good suggestions for ways to discuss these issues with clients in a more substantive way, rather than assuming I know what they feel.
Your discussion on ethics has been the best I've ever "attended." You put a lot of emphasis on how much you discuss regarding expectations and safety. Because your concepts are new to me in regards to discussing with clients these various issues, I will have to start slowly so I feel comfortable in "taking their time." Clients are so ready to begin speaking about the reasons they are coming in and what they want, I will now learn to do a more introductory portion to emphasize their feeling of safety. Thanks for a REAL workshop on ethics. Very helpful and thought provoking.
In response to Susan in Seattle, I will always accept gifts from children. However, when it comes to adults, it is a very gray area. In response to how Mary Jo handles it by discussing gift-giving in the beginning, gifts may never be an issue. I always ask myself, "Is it therapeutic for the client?" Most clients I have had feel rejected if the gift is rejected, so I usually accept their token of appreciation. On the other hand, talking about gifts in the first session may eliminate these uncomfortable moments. Thanks again, Mary Jo.
If I receive a gift, I will talk with the client about how it can be shared with others or what their meaning of giving the gift is.
Thanks you so much again, Mary Jo.
Jillian88, NH
I also really appreciated the openness of this seminar. Mary Jo gave me a lot of food for thought. I'm currently working with Internal Family Systems therapy and see the safety issues of "boundaries" works well w/ IFS focus on respect for "parts" - both of clients' and of therapists. It also raises a lot of questions.
Last comment - I wish the technology were better so that the speakers wouldn't speak over one another. Any way of addressing that?
Tina LeMarque, Tucson, AZ
I especially appreaciated how realistic Mary Jo is about practitioners working in smaller communities - navigating the potential of dual relationships, privacy, etc and admitting that these are such grey areas. I also especially appreciated her thorough guidance about how to make a meaningful discussion out of these dilemmas instead of what could easily feel like a wall being thrown up in front of the client. How great that instead establishing boundaries can be a collaborative act. I appreciate too that these ethical guidelines grow out of Mary Jo's direct experience of what is helpful to the client, rather than being a fear-based response to regulations.
The therapeutic path is strewn with boulders of self-deception and potholes of mutual seduction. Successful navigation depends upon the wisdom of the participants in knowing and ascertaining the difference between therapy and manipulation and the ability to inter-act accordingly. Staying within Mary Jo's sports metaphor, were I to engage my patients in so prolonged a preliminary setting of "protective" ground rules as her discussion suggests (protective of whom?), I expect many would flee the playing field in search of a cold/warm shower before the game commenced. But what do I know? I'm just an old Freudian, field-theorist fart.
Irene Kennedy, Raleigh, NC
(p.s. -- Hi Carolyn in Bellingham!)
Ruth, Portland, OR
Merrilee, San Mateo, CA
Andy Bernstein in northern New Jersey
Richard in NY
Is there a way to get a copy of the power point to help remember all of the valuable information that was shared?
Thanks
I was grateful for the discussion of dual relationships in rural areas. I live on an island, I trip over dual relationships walking out the door. I try to discuss "at the beginning" as suggested, and try especially to limiting the conversations even if they are okay with public acknowledgment because I am wary of the "perception" other people may have that I am not holding information privately/confidentially.
As others noted, reminding ourselves to balance and use "self-care" as part of ethical practice is a great reminder why we need to maintain a variety of boundaries. Thank you for your honesty.
Sandra from Jerome, Idaho
Jody, Door County Wisconsin
Val Beck Sena
Cincinnati
I am heartened and enlightened by how your approach is one of 'Ego' rather than 'Superego'. The latter approach seems to pervade how much of ethics is taught in the field.
I am taken by how you address these issues through the notion that ethics should merely be an extension of what psychotherapy is and should be, and that psychotherapy is merely and extension of what day to day respectful relationship should be.
If you have any specific suggestions about teaching this material in Israel, I would love to hear them.
Irle Goldman
San Francisco, California
As the saying goes, Love cannot be thrown away. If a therapist sees a client as a sexual object therapy stops. As Jung told an admiring client, "A personal relationship is impossible!" At the end, I think she was trying to describe HALT. Check yourself when your hungry, tired, lonely and/or angry. Go find friends and get a life worth exploring. Dave Lake Tahoe, CA
I appreciated the laid back style of the discussion and the thoughtfulness of replies.
Thank you!
Marta Lundy