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  • 0 P004 New Perspectives on Practice: The Great Attachment DebateP004, Attachment, Session 3, Dan Siegel 05.02.2011 22:48
    I am a Dr. Dan wannabe! Thank you so much, Dr. Siegel, once again, for such informative, useful material. Your work has done a great job bridging the gap between theory and practice, and I'm excited everytime I get a chance to gain more of your insight.

    Jennifer Ryan
    I Choose Change
    http://www.ichoosechange.com
  • 0 P004 New Perspectives on Practice: The Great Attachment DebateP004, Attachment, Session 4, David Schnarch 05.02.2011 21:43
    Dr. Schnarch,

    I had the pleasure of hearing you at SMU in Plano, TX recently, and was glad since I'd read "Passionate Marriage." Plus, one of my office mates is a David Schnarch wannabe, so I had to see you in action for myself.

    That said, I took then, and in this presentation, some good information. (The SMU talk was richer, frankly, because you discussed what your own philosophy IS as opposed to what it ISN'T - attachment based.)

    In your SMU presentation, you made a statement about attachment and how is is "useless" (or something to that effect), and I couldn't believe my ears. The same week I received my issue of Psychotherapy Networker and knew I couldn't miss this webinar.

    The fact is, I think you have some incredibly valid, useful, and spot-on material. Differentiation is absolutely necessary, and as my practice is at least 50% couples (also all private pay, and my drop out rate is also very slim). But I would also add that Attachment Theory is absolutely necessary.

    The reason couples come in, usually, is because they are insecurely attached - and they became insecurely attached BEFORE they got into their dysfunctional marriage. Now, they're on the verge of divorce and have little to no insight into their OWN life, let alone their spouse's.

    My approach is very much attachment based on an individual level, because you can't have a differentiated, healthy couple without a secure adult. Attachment theory is rich in education: brain-based information, early attachment effects, how we process information, etc. The goal therefore, isn't to create a couple that's attached to EACH OTHER, the goal is to create self-actualized individual, who can peer into their inner world AND their spouses world.

    When there is discord in the marriage, it's because of what the individual client brought to the marriage, not what they developed IN the marriage. It's about understanding the self, and being able to stand on their own feet. It is about becoming secure in their own life, not securely attached to their spouse.

    The bottom line, for me, is that both attachment theory and differentiation are useful and necessary for successful couples and individual therapy. To claim that attachment theory is unnecessary is missing a huge component of LIFE, frankly. This marriage will not last (to ignore it is to cover up some very important information about personhood and individuality, I think). Differentiation is also an important LIFE skill - I think you'd agree.

    As marriage mimics life (early life, adolescent life, work life... all systems in life), it would be well worth it to develop material rich in BOTH of these areas (attachment and differentiation). If we let the data and research speak for itself, why would we exclude either?

    Thank you for your time and information during these sessions!

    Jennifer Ryan, M.Ed., LPC
    I Choose Change PLLC
    http://www.ichoosechange.com

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