Welcome to our
“Who’s Afraid of Couples Therapy?” This exciting series, back by popular demand, is based on our November/December 2011 issue on this topic and will explore the challenges of couples work.
What are the most effective strategies in working with couples? How can therapists structure therapy—particularly in the early sessions—so that couples leave with a sense of hope, rather than frustration? Can working with individuals who have serious issues in their relationships actually be detrimental to them? Find out the answers to these questions and much more. In this first session with expert couples therapists
Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, the creators of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, you’ll find out why clinicians often avoid working with couples and how you can better prepare yourself for couples therapy work.
How can therapists most effectively work with emotion in the consulting room—particularly when it comes to couples therapy? Learn with internationally known couples therapist
Hedy Schleifer how to help create a nourishing connection between partners, define a role as therapist-as-guide, and much more. Schleifer, who’s pioneered the training of Imago Relationship therapists internationally, will go into how to use this theory in practice and how to best work with emotions.
What happens when partners in couples therapy have two different agendas in mind? Hear from expert
William Doherty on this little spoken about topic. Learn how Discernment Counseling, an approach that helps couples clarify their feelings about the next step in their relationship, can help both clients and therapists.
Is it possible to rebuild trust and intimacy in a couple’s relationship after a partner has had an affair? How can therapists help? Hear from
Esther Perel, author of the international bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, on how to help couples after an infidelity and the role that cultural perspectives have in this emotional situation.
Explore this classic dynamic of couples therapy—an angry woman and a withdrawn man—that’s often confusing for therapists, with couples therapist
Jette Simon. Learn more about what’s behind the feelings of anger and the behavior of withdrawing, and how clinicians can more effectively work with shame and fear of disconnection.
Hear an unconventional perspective on couples therapy from
David Schnarch, who believes that the best way to help couples is to challenge partners to change their individual behaviors and attitudes. Schnarch’s direct, upfront approach to helping clients will illustrate a different viewpoint on effective couples therapy.
Join
Marty Klein, a marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist, us for a candid discussion about the assumptions that both clients and therapists often share that can get in the way of improving couples’ sexual relationships.
Discover with
Kathryn Rheem how to respond effectively when clients express strong feelings in session. Based on Emotionally Focused Therapy, you’ll explore attunement and how to use your own emotions to help clients move beyond attachment injuries.
After the session, please let us know what you think. If you ever have any
technical questions or issues, please feel free to email
support@psychotherapynetworker.org.
She in fact did leave him at the peak of a depression caused by severe physical injury on the job, rendering him disabled. I shepherded him through many hospitalizations and recovery to the point where he was able to regain his hope for a better life and a return to physical activity.
He was a truly delightful gentleman and on a personal level, I found him to be rather exciting (my counter transference) since he was the Santa Claus I’d never known in my young life.
However, I held on to my clinical/ethical/sane/ known self and sacrificed my momentary, yet powerfully compelling, desire to discontinue therapy and/or accept the gift he offered. It shocked me how much this required of me, this wild ride on the therapy boat, steering it through rapids. I dragged into the therapy issues of need, power, and love. Both of us found it difficult to admit culpability, but if there was ever was a chicken or egg question, it was clear that the reason for his coming to see me never did include looking for a wife in the yellow pages of therapists.
What was the gift? Deprived of asking me to marry him, my client told me he’d visited his attorney and arranged to leave his (considerable) acreage and home – yes, to me - in his will! I told him I can’t accept it – pure and simple. I love my work, I told him, and I don’t want to lose my license. He told me his attorney told him this happens all the time and it’s fine– it was a gift of gratitude for my services, etc. I was still hooked on “being given to” and it took all my strength to say no again and again.
In the weeks that followed, all documented, we slugged through a number of painful issues with more candor than I knew I had in me - his need for control, his lack of belief that he is a lovable human being without having to prove anything, his unwillingness to take no for an answer and the resultant lack of authentic connection, my appreciation for his generous spirit and, yes, for him, and finally the goal of all therapy and transferences of love and need – the joy of knowing and feeling your human heart. His job was to take that inside himself and be open to new life outside of our work together, for it would surely happen, I told him.
He was wounded, but realistic about what therapy can and cannot be. This, of course, opened the door to growth.
During this time, I consulted with colleagues. Some of them joked, does he have a brother? But, I never would have taken this to a risk management/ethics conference, which usually creates and feeds paranoia with a focus on harm and pathology. I think I speak for a number of us who did not come into this field for those purposes. I completely agree with and applaud Dr. Zur’s writing that this healing work we do cannot be held to rigid, fear-based applications of “rules” that keep us away our humanity.