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Treating the Mixed-Agenda Couple

Bill Doherty On An Approach For Unaligned Relationships

Tough Customers: Is It Them or Us?

Tough CustomersBy Rich Simon As therapists, many of us practice in two different worlds. In the first, we see polite, well-behaved, articulate clients with solid values. They engage fully in therapy, talk cogently about their problems, listen attentively to our responses, make reasonably good-faith efforts to follow our suggestions, and sooner or later get better. No wonder we genuinely like these people!

Does This Kid Need Medication? with Ron Taffel

Meds: Myths and Realities: NP0035 – Session 3

Do you feel like you could be a more effective therapist with your younger clients? Do you find it hard to determine when interventions--psychological and pharmacological--might be needed? Join Ron Taffel and learn to identify key diagnostic signs that indicate medications could be helpful when dealing with depression, anxiety, AD/HD, and affective disorders. After the session, please let us know what you think. If you ever have any technical questions or issues, please feel free to email support@psychotherapynetworker.org.

You Don’t Have To Choose

Casey Truffo On Doing The Work You Love And Making It Pay

In Consultation

Peer Supervision Groups that Work

By Eleanor Counselman

Three steps that make a difference

Q: I’d like to organize a peer supervision group, but I’ve heard their failure rate is high. What do you recommend? A: Peer supervision groups provide a welcome respite from the isolation of private practice and an informal, nonevaluative setting after years of formal supervision, particularly for young therapists. They offer valuable guidance on difficult cases and tough ethical dilemmas to therapists at any level of experience. And they’re free! However, as you note, many of them fail. In my experience, careful attention to the initial contract and the ongoing group process can make a huge difference in helping them sustain their membership and thrive. Though they’re often called peer supervision groups, it would be more accurate to call them peer consultation groups. Members don’t have direct supervisory responsibility for one another’s cases: they simply offer suggestions, which members can accept or reject. They typically have four to six members who have approximately the same level of professional experience or share a specific area of interest. Members meet on a regular, usually biweekly, basis. Group consultation, with or without a leader, offers advantages over individual consultation. It includes the possibility of multiple perspectives on the same problem and the reduction of clinicians’ shame about confusions and mistakes as they share similar stories about their struggles with difficult cases. Another benefit is peer interaction, which develops one’s professional sense of self. The hall-of-mirrors effect—seeing yourself as others see you—which is so potent in therapy groups, is a major component of the supervision group experience. Nevertheless, despite the many benefits, it’s challenging to start and maintain a consultation group, particularly if it’s a leaderless one. They can fail to thrive or suffer from “task drift,” moving them away from discussing clinical material and into a form of therapy. It can be difficult to integrate new members and maintain clarity about the group’s own process. Presenting cases in supervision in any format poses obvious risks to one’s self-esteem, and group dynamics add additional risks: issues of power, competition, exposure, and shame can lead members to drop out. It’s especially challenging to manage group dynamics in leaderless groups, as it’s usually the leader’s role to remain aware of what’s happening within the group, and without a leader in charge, shame or fear of being judged may silence members. The most successful leaderless groups seem to be those in which the group members find a balance between a focus on cognitive and emotional issues—talking about cases and about the feelings that arise when seeing clients—while consciously managing the functions that a designated leader would serve. These include protecting the group contract, setting and maintaining appropriate norms, and handling gatekeeping matters, such as bringing in new members. A crucial component of maintaining an atmosphere of group safety is regular, dependable member attendance. Without this, a group will never feel like a place to take risks. Members need to be willing to bring up concerns about irregular attendance because, just as in a therapy group, member lateness and absences can indicate issues that need exploring. Chronic irregular attendance can be demoralizing and cause a group to fail. When it comes to group safety and cohesion, Woody Allen was right: 90 percent of supervision group success is about showing up. A significant issue in any supervision group is shame and the reluctance to expose oneself. To make supervision groups feel safer, therapist David Altfeld developed a model of group consultation in which all group members simply share their emotional reactions and associations to a situation being discussed, instead of one person presenting a specific case issue and everyone else giving advice as resident “experts.” This procedure levels the playing field by not allowing members to compete for the best case analysis. It leaves room for highlighting emotional issues, countertransference reactions, and parallel process. Making everyone vulnerable in this manner avoids opportunities for excessive criticism (or its counterpart, excessive niceness) and encourages emotional sharing. Another group consultation model, developed by Irish therapist Bobby Moore, focuses only on minimal case information, such as a patient’s age, length of time in therapy, and perhaps a little demographic information. Then the presenter talks about his or her thoughts, fantasies, feelings, and associations about the patient and the therapy. Group members then share their associations. Following that, the initial presenter is invited to share any further associations. Only at this point does the presenter give the facts of the case and the clinical dilemma. Finally, the group thinks together about what’s been discussed and what it indicates about the case. For those interested in the power of the collective unconscious, this is a fascinating process to experience. To succeed, a consultation group must feel safe and useful to its members. Here are a few simple principles to follow: Clarify the group structure. The group needs to agree on the frequency and length of meetings, which is best accomplished with a predictable schedule. The group needs to agree on its task and focus: is this group for any clinical issue or just for couples, or trauma, or group therapy? How much time will the group spend on “schmoozing,” and will there be one or more than one case presented each time? What will be the presentation format? While most groups use verbal presentation, some groups are now using videoclips—which makes the discussion much livelier. Agree on membership issues. How many members will the group have, and how will new members be integrated? Once a group has formed, I believe that decisions about adding more members should be a group decision. While it may be tempting to accept a request from someone who wants to join the group, a total of six members seems to be the maximum number for each member to have enough opportunities for presentations. Attend to the group process and dynamics. While groups should build in a “schmooze” or “check-in” time, there needs to be an agreed-upon limit to the socializing, so that the group doesn’t become a therapy group or a coffee klatch. Without a leader, the members themselves must monitor the group’s procedures and raise any important issues. Some groups do this ad hoc; others schedule a regular review meeting to evaluate how things are going. Leaderless peer supervision groups can help clinicians at any stage further clinical learning and combat professional isolation. They’re likeliest to succeed when the group members have a clear working agreement, maintain regular attendance, and create an environment in which both emotional and cognitive learning occurs. Eleanor Counselman, Ed.D., is a past president of the Northeastern Society for Group Psychotherapy and an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. She’s published numerous articles on psychotherapy and has a private practice in Belmont, Massachusetts.
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Couples Therapy, Session 5, Michele Weiner-Davis: Comment Board

 

michele_weiner_davisThank you for attending the final session of Couples Therapy: Today and Tomorrow. We hope you’ll come away from this course with relevant skills you can apply to your practice and a better understanding of couples work.

Today’s session with Michele Weiner-Davis, a leading expert on divorce, will cover methods for helping couples heal from infidelity, how much to encourage disclosure of details of the affair, and how to deal with intense emotions.

What struck you most about this session, and what was most interesting to you from the whole course? Please comment below about what was most important, relevant, and thought-provoking to you.

Thank you all for your participation in this series and for taking the time to share your comments.


03.07.2011   Posted In: P003 Couples Therapy: Today and Tomorrow   By Rich Simon
12
Comments
 

  • 0 avatar Carlton Brown 03.10.2011 07:13
    Refreshing, candid, honest, helpful. I love that you said this wasn't evidence-based but hunch-based. It adds to things that I do that work and helps to keep me focused on solutions. Thank you.
    Reply
  • 0 avatar Karin Watling 03.10.2011 07:14
    Thank you Michele, your approach seems very honouring to both partners and I like how you go about normalizing their feelings and expereinces.
    Karin from Ontario
    Reply
  • 0 avatar David Brown 03.10.2011 07:16
    I highly recommend the three day intensive training with Michelle in Boulder. I've used the techniques and approaches regularly with the couples I see. Great to review key points in the webinar. David in Michigan
    Reply
  • 0 avatar susan eisenberg 03.10.2011 07:33
    I have attended several Networker Conferences presented by Michelle. As a Marital and Family Therapist for 30 years, I have treated many couples dealing with infidelity in their marriage. I must say that using Michelle's technique in the last several years has contributed to a high success rate in helping couples survive the infidelity and improve the intimacy and commitment in their relationship.
    Reply
  • 0 avatar Dale Pavich 03.10.2011 07:50
    Thanks you, Michele and Rich, for the the nicely paced discussion of the do's and don'ts in managing some of the issues involved with marital affairs. I would have liked to hear more case vignettes that illustrate Michele's "hunch-based" approach to supporting couples and their healing process. Perhaps the time is too limited for this. A video sequence can sometimes illustrate nicely as well, as with the movie clip from one of the earlier Webinar presenters. The cartoon added a nice perspective, along with the references to cultural differences. Perhaps a few bars about the "Fifty Ways" would have been too much for the hyper-moral temperament of some of the audience, but I always enjoy those moments of levity, especially with this sort of topic. On the other hand, there's an audio clip of Tammy Wynette's song "D-I-V-O-R-C-E" would set a rather captivating/serious introductory tone... hmmm
    Dale Pavich, Santa Barbara, California
    Reply
  • Not available avatar 03.10.2011 10:18
    Michelle's presentation was helpful in that she has had the courage and fortitude to develop an approach that really helps couples stay together after the affair event. I will use the tasks as guidelines in working with such couples. I appreciate too the acknowledgment of the necessity of individual work with these couples.
    Susan Philo, Ed. M., Kodiak
    Reply
  • 0 avatar Florence Calhoun 03.10.2011 11:05
    I enjoyed Michelle's presentation. The material was clear and can be easily referred to when needed. I have a question about affairs of a different kind. I have recently worked with couples whe have engaged in "cyber-affairs" through the social networks sites and also through text messaging. What is your thinking on these kinds of affairs. Would you use the same approach or something different? Rich, thank you for the opportunity to learn from the experts about their style of working with couples. This was my first webinar series and I can't wait to participate in upcoming ones. Florence Calhoun, Los Angeles, CA.
    Reply
  • 0 avatar Darlene Taylor 03.10.2011 11:35
    Michele's presentation concludes a really fine group of presentations on couples' counseling which I have found interesting and practical. Thanks to all of the presenters and to Rich Simon and Psychotherapy Networker.
    Reply
  • Not available avatar 03.11.2011 04:18
    I liked the clarity of Michele's approach---her identifying and separating the tasks for the betrayed spouse and the tasks for the unfaithful spouse. I found it refreshing and validating to hear from a therapist who is committed to helping couples find ways to stay in the marriage. It's good to learn a road map to implement these goals and values. Thank you. (This is the only one in the series I was able to attend.)
    Reply
  • 0 avatar Patricia Hollister 03.11.2011 04:44
    Michele shows us--from her long-term experienc--that nothing is absolute.
    I came to appreciate that the "rules and regulations" we less-experienced with divorce therapists have, are largely for OUR OWN comfort. By sharing her own evolution, she led us to a more reasonable conclusion, namely that one size doesn't fit all.... In doing so, she led me to a calmer, less rigid attitude, allowing for more options in recovering from the pain of betrayal.
    Excellent ideas!
    ************************************************************
    Technical comment: when I tried to enlarge the screen, I got a blank page. (When I pressed "escape" I got back to the original small screen).
    **************************************************************************
    Overall comment: This is a very useful seminar. Convenient, interactive, provides a chance for us to interact...all the while saving money, time and energy. (I never thought the computer could do so much (dare I say even more?) than attending an actual live presentation. I think I'm becoming a believer in webinars. Thanks for a well-designed/presented program.
    Patty Hollister, Las Cruces, NM
    Reply
    • Not available avatar 03.11.2011 08:56
      Could not agree more about the benefits of a flexible yet structured approach to dealing with the crisis of infidelity. Michelle's "hunches" strike me as representing real "practice wisdom" gained over years of clinical work. I believe that providing a holding environment where couples feel safe enough to work through the pain, anger and despair of infidelity is crucial, along with normalizing their reaction to an extremely challenging interpersonal/intrapsychic crisis. It is very challenging work for both couples and therapists. Michelle's approach is both pragmatic and refreshingly free of therapeutic bells & whistles.
      Reply
  • 0 avatar chris cable 03.17.2011 10:26
    Michele's point about healing not being a straight line and sometimes feeling like we're back to square one is the same I use in grief counseling. I describe the journey as a tornado which hurts less as time and healing take us further from the center; however, we're sometimes sucked back because of a memory or incidence and it hurts just as much. Happily, though, it doesn't take as long to recover - just accept that it is and it will pass. The betrayed partner is grieving the death of her dream marriage, just as Michele and Rich talked about remarrying our spouse who's changed from when he was 25.
    Chris Cable, Annapolis MD
    Reply
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