Welcome to our
“Who’s Afraid of Couples Therapy?” This exciting series, back by popular demand, is based on our November/December 2011 issue on this topic and will explore the challenges of couples work.
What are the most effective strategies in working with couples? How can therapists structure therapy—particularly in the early sessions—so that couples leave with a sense of hope, rather than frustration? Can working with individuals who have serious issues in their relationships actually be detrimental to them? Find out the answers to these questions and much more. In this first session with expert couples therapists
Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, the creators of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, you’ll find out why clinicians often avoid working with couples and how you can better prepare yourself for couples therapy work.
How can therapists most effectively work with emotion in the consulting room—particularly when it comes to couples therapy? Learn with internationally known couples therapist
Hedy Schleifer how to help create a nourishing connection between partners, define a role as therapist-as-guide, and much more. Schleifer, who’s pioneered the training of Imago Relationship therapists internationally, will go into how to use this theory in practice and how to best work with emotions.
What happens when partners in couples therapy have two different agendas in mind? Hear from expert
William Doherty on this little spoken about topic. Learn how Discernment Counseling, an approach that helps couples clarify their feelings about the next step in their relationship, can help both clients and therapists.
Is it possible to rebuild trust and intimacy in a couple’s relationship after a partner has had an affair? How can therapists help? Hear from
Esther Perel, author of the international bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, on how to help couples after an infidelity and the role that cultural perspectives have in this emotional situation.
Explore this classic dynamic of couples therapy—an angry woman and a withdrawn man—that’s often confusing for therapists, with couples therapist
Jette Simon. Learn more about what’s behind the feelings of anger and the behavior of withdrawing, and how clinicians can more effectively work with shame and fear of disconnection.
Hear an unconventional perspective on couples therapy from
David Schnarch, who believes that the best way to help couples is to challenge partners to change their individual behaviors and attitudes. Schnarch’s direct, upfront approach to helping clients will illustrate a different viewpoint on effective couples therapy.
Join
Marty Klein, a marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist, us for a candid discussion about the assumptions that both clients and therapists often share that can get in the way of improving couples’ sexual relationships.
Discover with
Kathryn Rheem how to respond effectively when clients express strong feelings in session. Based on Emotionally Focused Therapy, you’ll explore attunement and how to use your own emotions to help clients move beyond attachment injuries.
After the session, please let us know what you think. If you ever have any
technical questions or issues, please feel free to email
support@psychotherapynetworker.org.
Debra Anderson
Patrick
One word of caution. As a woman in relationship with a man and a female therapist, beware the woman who believes she is "ahead" of her partner in emotional work. I have been seduced by this "apparent" imbalance to the detriment of the couples work. Thank you again!
We now know exactly how the body and its nervous system hold onto our small and large traumas and that they get in the way of that deep intimacy, so we had better be working in the body. And it is our ability to be authentic and coherent that makes possible this deep way of relating to others as a way of life, as opposed to a moment of connection, so we had better be learning how to do that.
And I believe that men are not only capable of deeper intimacy, but that it is imperative to our partnerships, families and our communities that we help them find the way into those deep intimate relationships.
Patrick
Thank you for clarifying the six steps involved in your approach: beginning by dropping into the body, moving to heart center, attuning to the person, noticing the inner-subjective attunement, looking for coherence, and holding. I appreciate your honest recall of successful and challenging applications. The interview was inspiring and helpful for me.
Patrick
Thank you for teaching very strong empowering way to relate with clients. It is quite interesting because I had learned similar way of preparation of spiritual/mental state from my mentor here in Japan, dropping into the body and attuning to good side of humanity of the client by praying for a few minutes just before every session. By practicing this I have experienced going into deep and good relationship with clients and could feel pretty close to client. However I have two problems, one is as you mentioned I take risky choice of behavior in the session usually confronting client challenges and the other is crying.... I am women and when I notice the surprising inner-subjective attunement, my body reacts and tears comes out. It is my daily therapy problems, how should I manage this ?
And with the crying, again, I think the deep attunement would help us to know if it is going to be beneficial for them for us to be that authentic, and if not will cue us to regulate our tears and be with them in a way that is both authentic and beneficial to them. If we cannot hold back our tears, then of course it probably suggests we have a need to have our own tears heard and seen by another.
Patrick
As you mentioned hope it is beneficial for both.
I thank to you for your clear explanation for the phenomenon happened in well attuned therapy. I will study further to understand your theory more by reading your book!
Wanda Sheber
For the future, I would have appreciated knowing a little about the "qigong philosophy" theme which came up numerous times. I knew nothing about how that influenced Patrick's thinking.
Rich, if you could find a way to put a visual copy of putting book titles, web pages, etc. in written form on the screen for students to have. I always look into further reference materials, but it is hard to sort out with so little information provided.