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Treating the Mixed-Agenda Couple

Bill Doherty On An Approach For Unaligned Relationships

Tough Customers: Is It Them or Us?

Tough CustomersBy Rich Simon As therapists, many of us practice in two different worlds. In the first, we see polite, well-behaved, articulate clients with solid values. They engage fully in therapy, talk cogently about their problems, listen attentively to our responses, make reasonably good-faith efforts to follow our suggestions, and sooner or later get better. No wonder we genuinely like these people!

Does This Kid Need Medication? with Ron Taffel

Meds: Myths and Realities: NP0035 – Session 3

Do you feel like you could be a more effective therapist with your younger clients? Do you find it hard to determine when interventions--psychological and pharmacological--might be needed? Join Ron Taffel and learn to identify key diagnostic signs that indicate medications could be helpful when dealing with depression, anxiety, AD/HD, and affective disorders. After the session, please let us know what you think. If you ever have any technical questions or issues, please feel free to email support@psychotherapynetworker.org.

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Casey Truffo On Doing The Work You Love And Making It Pay

In Consultation

Peer Supervision Groups that Work

By Eleanor Counselman

Three steps that make a difference

Q: I’d like to organize a peer supervision group, but I’ve heard their failure rate is high. What do you recommend? A: Peer supervision groups provide a welcome respite from the isolation of private practice and an informal, nonevaluative setting after years of formal supervision, particularly for young therapists. They offer valuable guidance on difficult cases and tough ethical dilemmas to therapists at any level of experience. And they’re free! However, as you note, many of them fail. In my experience, careful attention to the initial contract and the ongoing group process can make a huge difference in helping them sustain their membership and thrive. Though they’re often called peer supervision groups, it would be more accurate to call them peer consultation groups. Members don’t have direct supervisory responsibility for one another’s cases: they simply offer suggestions, which members can accept or reject. They typically have four to six members who have approximately the same level of professional experience or share a specific area of interest. Members meet on a regular, usually biweekly, basis. Group consultation, with or without a leader, offers advantages over individual consultation. It includes the possibility of multiple perspectives on the same problem and the reduction of clinicians’ shame about confusions and mistakes as they share similar stories about their struggles with difficult cases. Another benefit is peer interaction, which develops one’s professional sense of self. The hall-of-mirrors effect—seeing yourself as others see you—which is so potent in therapy groups, is a major component of the supervision group experience. Nevertheless, despite the many benefits, it’s challenging to start and maintain a consultation group, particularly if it’s a leaderless one. They can fail to thrive or suffer from “task drift,” moving them away from discussing clinical material and into a form of therapy. It can be difficult to integrate new members and maintain clarity about the group’s own process. Presenting cases in supervision in any format poses obvious risks to one’s self-esteem, and group dynamics add additional risks: issues of power, competition, exposure, and shame can lead members to drop out. It’s especially challenging to manage group dynamics in leaderless groups, as it’s usually the leader’s role to remain aware of what’s happening within the group, and without a leader in charge, shame or fear of being judged may silence members. The most successful leaderless groups seem to be those in which the group members find a balance between a focus on cognitive and emotional issues—talking about cases and about the feelings that arise when seeing clients—while consciously managing the functions that a designated leader would serve. These include protecting the group contract, setting and maintaining appropriate norms, and handling gatekeeping matters, such as bringing in new members. A crucial component of maintaining an atmosphere of group safety is regular, dependable member attendance. Without this, a group will never feel like a place to take risks. Members need to be willing to bring up concerns about irregular attendance because, just as in a therapy group, member lateness and absences can indicate issues that need exploring. Chronic irregular attendance can be demoralizing and cause a group to fail. When it comes to group safety and cohesion, Woody Allen was right: 90 percent of supervision group success is about showing up. A significant issue in any supervision group is shame and the reluctance to expose oneself. To make supervision groups feel safer, therapist David Altfeld developed a model of group consultation in which all group members simply share their emotional reactions and associations to a situation being discussed, instead of one person presenting a specific case issue and everyone else giving advice as resident “experts.” This procedure levels the playing field by not allowing members to compete for the best case analysis. It leaves room for highlighting emotional issues, countertransference reactions, and parallel process. Making everyone vulnerable in this manner avoids opportunities for excessive criticism (or its counterpart, excessive niceness) and encourages emotional sharing. Another group consultation model, developed by Irish therapist Bobby Moore, focuses only on minimal case information, such as a patient’s age, length of time in therapy, and perhaps a little demographic information. Then the presenter talks about his or her thoughts, fantasies, feelings, and associations about the patient and the therapy. Group members then share their associations. Following that, the initial presenter is invited to share any further associations. Only at this point does the presenter give the facts of the case and the clinical dilemma. Finally, the group thinks together about what’s been discussed and what it indicates about the case. For those interested in the power of the collective unconscious, this is a fascinating process to experience. To succeed, a consultation group must feel safe and useful to its members. Here are a few simple principles to follow: Clarify the group structure. The group needs to agree on the frequency and length of meetings, which is best accomplished with a predictable schedule. The group needs to agree on its task and focus: is this group for any clinical issue or just for couples, or trauma, or group therapy? How much time will the group spend on “schmoozing,” and will there be one or more than one case presented each time? What will be the presentation format? While most groups use verbal presentation, some groups are now using videoclips—which makes the discussion much livelier. Agree on membership issues. How many members will the group have, and how will new members be integrated? Once a group has formed, I believe that decisions about adding more members should be a group decision. While it may be tempting to accept a request from someone who wants to join the group, a total of six members seems to be the maximum number for each member to have enough opportunities for presentations. Attend to the group process and dynamics. While groups should build in a “schmooze” or “check-in” time, there needs to be an agreed-upon limit to the socializing, so that the group doesn’t become a therapy group or a coffee klatch. Without a leader, the members themselves must monitor the group’s procedures and raise any important issues. Some groups do this ad hoc; others schedule a regular review meeting to evaluate how things are going. Leaderless peer supervision groups can help clinicians at any stage further clinical learning and combat professional isolation. They’re likeliest to succeed when the group members have a clear working agreement, maintain regular attendance, and create an environment in which both emotional and cognitive learning occurs. Eleanor Counselman, Ed.D., is a past president of the Northeastern Society for Group Psychotherapy and an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. She’s published numerous articles on psychotherapy and has a private practice in Belmont, Massachusetts.
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NP0011 Who's Afraid of Couples Therapy?

This blog focuses on discussion regarding the course NP0011 Who's Afraid of Couples Therapy?
 
 

NP0011, Couples, Session 5, Jette Simon

 
Explore this classic dynamic of couples therapy—an angry woman and a withdrawn man—that’s often confusing for therapists, with couples therapist Jette Simon. Learn more about what’s behind the feelings of anger and the behavior of withdrawing, and how clinicians can more effectively work with shame and fear of disconnection.

After the session, please take a few minutes to let us know what you think. What did Simon discuss that was new to you? What was most interesting to you? Do you have any similar experiences working with couples? We invite you to share your thoughts, questions, and revelations, as well as including your name and hometown with your comments.

If you have any technical questions, please feel free to contact support@psychotherapynetworker.org. Thanks for your participation.


12.30.2011   Posted In: NP0011 Who's Afraid of Couples Therapy?   By Psychotherapy Networker
13
Comments
 

  • Not available avatar Linda Bilunka 01.04.2012 13:24
    Does this work for angry men and withdrawn women?
    Reply
  • Not available avatar Anne Desmond 01.04.2012 15:25
    Rich and Jette,
    Today's session was very fresh, rich and alive. Thank you SO much! . . It was particularly helpful, Rich, each time that you asked Jette "what would that sound like in the session, what would you say?" And then, Jette, you gave us the language that you use with the couple, speaking to "him" or to "her" in ways that brought your approach, your thinking, to life for me. Rich, as you no doubt know, one of the most frequently asked questions from beginning therapists is: "How would you say that? What would that sound like?"

    Also, I was especially interested, Jette, in your handling of yourself and the couple in the first session -- that you spend a lot of time connecting, as therapist, with each partner, before having them dialogue with each other--except perhaps for an appreciation or something like that.

    Important to hear that you guide them in that first hour away from blame by asking what each does that irritates the other, etc . .Important for me to hear your early emphasis on intention. .even in the first session, and how that is a recurring theme or touchstone throughout the therapy.

    I see one couple with whom I so much wish I'd started in the way you describe. . and now wish we could back up and start again with some of the ideas and insights you offered today. I will think about how I may incorporate some of what I experienced listening to you today into my work with this particular couple -- but I must say I wish I lived closer to you and could have a the benefit of consultation.
    Reply
  • Not available avatar Anne Desmond 01.04.2012 16:36
    P.S.
    Jette, of great interest, too, is the piece that you have each person write at the close of each session.
    I am wondering about it. A record of what each one learned in the session? Is that it. And about intentions, are they recorded too? Ongoing? So that the written pieces eventually comprise a record of new learnings and intentions that can be and sometimes are referred to?

    Shame. The word. The effect in your workshops of naming it, of using the word. The effect on both the men and the women.

    Jette I have checked Amazon and see no books authored by you. Can you suggest anything -- short of a book - -that you may have written? I know you referred to Sue Johnson's influence.

    I did hear you say that the best move for a couple therapist would be to come to one of your couples workshops, and of course that is true. But I am no longer part of a couple so that is not an option for me.

    Reply
  • Not available avatar Joy 01.06.2012 14:23
    Oh what a delight to listen to Jette's wisdom drawn out by Rich's love! If that's what comes from getting to know the inside of us, and understanding my role in blaming or withdrawing, yes please! I also deeply appreciate the respect shown by checking with the couple - is this how it is for you? quite often, and reframing the explosiveness or silence, both, as ways of keeping the relationship, because the relationsip matters so much.
    Thank you for your wisdom Jette, and interviewing Rich to help us understand how paralysing shame can be. And the humour all through. Hope you had some good coffee together!
    Much love, Dave and Joy
    Reply
  • Not available avatar Robyn 01.06.2012 18:27
    Absolutely wonderful and informative! Very helpful series. Thank you.
    Reply
  • Not available avatar Shirley 01.06.2012 21:30
    Thank you for this session. There was much I hadn't thought about before and there were some ideas I had thought about before. I can't tell you how meaningful it was to hear what happens when one goes deeper and doesn't get entangled in content. I do feel that the client needs to feel heard through the story, but the process work bears the fruit. I also thank you for your language and examples of what you might do and when. Best wishes, Shirley
    Reply
  • Not available avatar Andrea 01.07.2012 14:55
    Jette.. would you comment on the "pay off" for the angry, critical maximizer?
    Reply
  • Not available avatar Al 01.07.2012 16:36
    Rich and Jette,

    Thanks for such an informative session. I have heard many talks on Imago therapy and feel that you both were very clear in describing some basic aspects of bringing it into the therapy room.
    Jette very good questions to create safety and openness by providing a specific structure.
    Reply
  • Not available avatar Renee Segal 01.07.2012 22:46
    Great session, my favorite part was Rich talking about how shameful it is for men not too feel like a "REAL MAN". I think this is important, and I see this often when there has been an affair because he has become withdrawn and taken his needs into work and then realizes that his wife has taken her needs outside the marriage.

    I also enjoyed the interchange between Jetta and Rich, I could really feel your connection to one another and it was sweet

    Thank you! I look forward to hearing more from Jetta at the symposium in March!
    Renee (Minnetonka, MN)
    Reply
  • Not available avatar leticia 01.09.2012 22:53
    What a great presentation, and how enriching that you are a couple yourselves, the very best of the series on "Whose afraid of Couples Therapy" and that´s no small feat because they have been extremely interesting. Thank you again and Bravo for the very dear Psychotherapy Networker"
    Reply
  • Not available avatar Lynn Mikkelsen 01.09.2012 23:56
    Jette and Rich - I just watched your conversation for the second time and like someone else above said, your love and warmth for each other adds immensely to your presentation. It was a joy to hear how you weave several of your trainings together with your own personal style. This discussion of how you dialogue with couples is a refreshing and enlightening model of excellence.
    Thank you,
    Lynn
    Reply
  • Not available avatar Sneha Nikam 01.10.2012 11:40
    Dear Rich Sir and Jette Ma'am first of all congragulations for a lovely couple that you both are. I liked this session, it was very detail covering subtle intricacies happening with such cases. Another great learning session.

    My sincere thanks and best wishes to both of you.

    Sneha
    Mumbai (INDIA).
    Reply
  • Not available avatar Sheryl 01.10.2012 14:07
    I really enjoyed the session. Jette's warmth and connection in her approach to couples is evident. The part on contracts was particularly interesting to me, as was the discussion on men and shame.
    How can I access the article you mentioned pertaining to men and shame Rich?
    Was it by David Westler?. " The Secret World of men"- is that right? I couldn't find it in Psychotherapy Networker archives.
    Thank you

    Sheryl
    Reply
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