What Clinicians Need to Know

Some time ago, my wife, Jette (who just happens to be the world’s best couples’ therapist) and I were about to begin one of the several couples weekend workshops we hold every year. As we met the assorted participants in a conference room of a local hotel, it became obvious that, as usual, it was mostly the women who had dragged their mostly unwilling male partners to the weekend. During the first break, one of the men in the group approached Jette during an early break, obviously in real distress.

“You must change the sign downstairs in the lobby,” he hissed in her ear. The offending sign, there in public for all to see, said, “Couples Therapy—Mayfair Room.” The fact that he was attending a therapy event—a word so obnoxious to him that he could barely spit it out—in his mind, clearly identified him as a total wimp, a low-testosterone failure of a man, a complete loser in the masculinity sweepstakes. God forbid somebody he knew should catch him in such humiliating circumstances—it was akin to marching publicly into a room boldly labeled, “Child Molesters Convention Here.” Male shame strikes again.

The great secret that most men harbor is how often we feel incompetent, weak, vulnerable, and inadequate, not up to the seemingly impossible task of being a “man” (whatever that means).

And when we fail, however it looks on the outside, we experience the corrosive, toxic, intolerable feelings of shame. Just the threat of being shamed is so dreadful to us that we will go to any lengths to avoid it—we will yell at or stonewall our wives, get drunk, pick fights, drive our cars like bats out of hell, join a militia, have sex with as many women as possible—do virtually anything to avoid it.

It seems odd that after nearly 50 years of focusing on gender norms and how they affect women, the inner world of men would still remain as dimly understood as it is, even by psychotherapists. Until recently, a prime obstacle has been the ideological truism that, deep down, both genders want exactly the same thing from their relationships. But as we’ve made real advances in understanding some of the differences between the male and female brain as well as grasping the biology of other social mammals, we’ve had to take another look at some of our conventional therapeutic wisdom about commonalities between the sexes.

To explore further what some of our field’s most innovative contributors are discovering about working more effectively with men, here are two resources to check out. Just click here to preview the latest Networker streaming-video webcast series, Engaging Men in Therapy: Everything Clinicians Need to Know, beginning June 5th. And if you want some extremely thoughtful and provocative articles to challenge outdated clinical assumptions, click here to take a look at our May 2010 issue, The Secret World of Men. In either case, be prepared to discover how disconcerting—and illuminating—it is to embrace the possibility that men and women don’t necessarily want exactly the same things after all.

Understanding the Significance to Male Clients

In our upcoming streaming-video webcast series, "Men In Therapy", David Wexler discusses how the experience and perception of shame affects male clients.

This clip is a quick look at how to develop an inviting therapeutic relationship with male clients based on straightforward guidance.

David Wexler is the Executive Director of the Relationship Training Institute. He’s the author of five books, including Men in Therapy: New Approaches for Effective Treatment and When Good Men Behave Badly.

Engaging Men In Therapy:
Everything Clinicians Need to Know
Starts Tuesday, June 5th
Click here for full course details.

Discover how to solicit, hear, and effectively use negative feedback from clients to enhance treatment and understand how to use outcome measures to develop mastery within specific domains. Robbie Babins-Wagner, who implemented Feedback Informed Treatment at the Calgary Counselling Center in Alberta, Canada, will illustrate how you can create a work environment that supports this kind of practice.

We invite you to take a few minutes after this session to comment on what you’ve learned from this presentation, and from the course as a whole. Does your practice currently support a kind of Feedback Informed Treatment? If not, would you be interested in implementing this kind of practice? What questions do you have? As always, if you ever have any technical issues, just email support@psychotherapynetworker.org for help!

Parenting Skills: NP0019 – Session 3

Explore the distinct challenges to attachment and intimacy that the stepfamily structure often creates. Patricia Papernow, who’s worked as a trainer, consultant, and therapist with stepfamily relationships, will cover practical strategies for helping clients form healthy stepfamily relationships.

After you hear this presentation, please take a few minutes to comment about what you found most interesting or relevant, to ask any questions you have of the presenter or your colleagues, or to share any experiences. As always, if you ever have any technical questions, please feel free to email support@psychotherapynetworker.org and our Support Team will help you.

How Brain Science Illuminates Gender Differences

Pat Love is the lead-off presenter in our upcoming streaming-video webcast series bringing together leading innovators who’ve developed practical approaches that integrate the latest research on gender differences with our evolving clinical wisdom.

This clip is a quick look at the kinds of cutting edge information with game-changing applications that can help make therapy more inviting for male clients.

Pat Love is a distinguished professor, relationship consultant, and licensed marriage and family therapist. She’s the author of Hot Monogamy and The Truth About Love and the coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It.

Engaging Men In Therapy:
Everything Clinicians Need to Know
Starts Tuesday, June 5th
Click here for full course details.

In this fourth presentation in Becoming a Smarter Therapist, learn how to actually incorporate measures of change in session with Michael Lambert. Lambert, a researcher in the areas of psychotherapy outcome, process, and the measurement of change, will discuss how to include these measures in symptoms, interpersonal problems, social-role functioning, and quality of life in your work. He’ll explain how to determine a client’s progress between sessions, and when to use clinical support tools with the client if interventions have been ineffective.

We invite you to take a few minutes after this session to comment on what you’ve learned from this presentation, and from the course as a whole. What was new, or most interesting, or most relevant to you? What questions do you have? As always, if you ever have any technical issues, just email support@psychotherapynetworker.org for help!

Parenting Skills: Session 2 – NP0019

What are the benefits and drawbacks of working individually with a child in therapy as opposed to working with the family at large? When is it effective to involve parents and other family members in treatment? Explore with Martha Straus the best ways to work with postmodern families in therapy. 

After you hear this presentation, please take a few minutes to comment about what you found most interesting or relevant, to ask any questions you have of the presenter or your colleagues, or to share any experiences. As always, if you ever have any technical questions, please feel free to email support@psychotherapynetworker.org and our Support Team will help you.

At the 2010 Networker Symposium, an impromptu debate was sparked between noted researcher Jerome Kagan and esteemed psychologist Daniel Siegel about the relevance of Attachment Theory to clinical practice. This spontaneous exchange became the highlight of the conference that year and was continued to be talked about long afterward.

Now, hear Kagan and Siegel back together for a conversation about Attachment Theory, the research, and its implications in clinical practice. Afterward, please take a few minutes to let us know what you think. As always, if you have any technical questions, please feel free to email support@psychotherapynetworker.org and our Support Team will help you.

What’s the most important key to improving as a therapist? How can we radically and consistently improve our effectiveness as clinicians? Get the answers to these questions and more in today’s session with Barry Duncan. He’ll go over ways in which we can improve as therapists, including what more than 1,000 studies have taught us about the science of the therapeutic alliance. You’ll learn what “healing involvement” is and how to achieve it with any client and how you’ll come away with a much better understanding of why outcome measurement is essential to improvement.

As always, we encourage you to take a few minutes after the session to comment—what was new, or most interesting to you about this session? What questions do you have or relevant experiences to share? And as always, if you ever have any technical questions, just email support@psychnetworker.org!

Parenting Skills: Session 1 – NP0019

Today’s culture, new technologies, rough economy, and many other factors undermine the foundations of parental authority. Many parents feel confused and blamed. In this series, “Parenting Skills: All You Need to Help Family Today,” we’ll explore practical tools that therapists can use in dealing with the challenges of raising kids today.

In this first session with Ron Taffel, you’ll gain a broader perspective on the social context of parent-child relationships today. He’ll explain how clinicians can help parents reassert their authority by creating effective “I mean it” moments with their kids and teens and other practical strategies for parents.

After each session is over, please take a few minutes to engage in the Comment Boards. Feel free to comment about what you felt was most interesting about the session, to ask any questions you may have of the presenter or your colleagues, or to share any relevant experiences. If you ever have any technical questions, please feel free to email support@psychotherapynetworker.org and our Support Team will help you.