A901 Depathologizing Porn

Even though Internet porn has become ubiquitous in our society, many of us (including therapists) still tend to view its use as a symptom of sexual addiction or deviancy, a form of marital infidelity, and/or a serious threat to the relationship. But there are multiple reasons that people use porn, and it can have many meanings. In this course, you’ll learn how to help couples face and weather the immediate crisis when a spouse discovers that the other spouse (usually the man) is secretly using pornography. We’ll explore how to help couples depathologize the issue and investigate what it means in terms of three basic reasons most men seek out porn, as well as potential problems associated with each. We’ll talk about helping the spouses develop empathy and validation for each other and, finally, create a more differentiated sex life together, which balances shared intimacy and privacy.

Meet the Instructors

Joe Kort, L.M.S.W., specializes in individual, couples, and group psychotherapy for gay and straight clients. He’s a certified Imago Relationship therapist and the author of Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide.

Tammy Nelson, M.S., is the founder and executive director of the Center for Healing. She’s the author of Getting the Sex You Want and What’s Eating You? She is a Certified Sexologist, Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Imago Therapist.

Course Contents

Session 1: Sex, Infidelity, and Internet Addiction: Is It a Relationship Issue? • Defining pornography, infidelity, and sexual addiction • Three reasons men go online • Masturbation • How paraphilias are a factor (20:1 male to female ratio) • Internet relationships • Differences between compulsion, addiction, and non-pathological pornography use • Sexual and emotional infidelity--differences for men and women, gays and straight • The triple-A engine of access, affordability, and anonymity of the Internet

Session 2: Infidelity, Affairs, Monogamy • How women view porn and why • The stages of relationships • Defining infidelity and negotiating monogamy • The monogamy spectrum • The erotic curiosity spectrum • Compartmentalization • Secrecy versus privacy • Can porn help couples remain monogamous? • Courtship disorders • Erotic rage • Betrayal • Keeping secrets

Session 3: Internet Addiction, Social Networking, Cheating Online • What is porn trauma? • What is sexual neglect? • Recovery from porn trauma and interpersonal sexual neglect • The three sexual scripts--procreative, relational, and recreational • Cracking the code of porn • Sexual cathexis to porn; what it looks like • Long-term affects of porn use • When is the relationship at risk? • Betrayal bonds • Trauma repetition

Session 4: Treatment Interventions • Projections as the therapist • Therapist’s values • Transparency • Healthy porn, healthy sex • When porn is okay for men, women, or couples • Why are some men interested in fantasies that don’t include their wives? • When to intervene • What does recovery look like? • Individual recovery, couple recovery • Erotic recovery • Follow the erotica road • Opportunity for differentiation

Learning Objectives

1. Discuss how couples can work together to understand the role pornography plays between partners and whether it’s use is symptomatic of something in the individual and/or the marriage.
2. Identify the meaning and narrative behind pornography use by depathologizing the visual and interactive styles of Internet porn.
3. Demonstrate how to guide couples through validation and empathy and away from reactivity stemming from resentment and intolerance, which can lead to conflict, frustration, and break-up.